today i feel like characters from moby dick.

some quotes from Moby Dick, by Herman Melville:

There is a wisdom that is woe; but there is a woe that is madness. And there is a Catskill eagle in some souls that can alike dive down into the blackest gorges, and soar out of them again and become invisible in the sunny spaces. And even if he for ever flies within the gorge, that gorge is in the mountains; so that even in his lowest swoop the mountain eagle is still higher than other birds upon the plain, even though they soar.

Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell’s heart I stab at thee; for hate’s sake I spit my last breath at thee. Sink all coffins and all hearses to one common pool! and since neither can be mine, let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, though tied to thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!

wow! here are SparkNote's quote meanings.

Moby Dick is supposedly the best novel ever written. it's story is certainly powerful, but what i find most intriguing is that Melville's 1851 novel is so modern in its self-awareness, ambiguity of meaning, and multiple symbolisms.

if you want to read about the essence of this novel, but don't have the 4-6 months to devote to reading it at this point in your life, Sparknotes offer a free and brief overview of the whole thing that can be read in 1-2 sittings. i found it very interesting. you might also. check it out.

by the way, Eminem's arch nemesis, Moby, is actually related to Herman Melville, author of Moby Dick. but i bet you knew that already.

the revised last wedding entry

well, after such intense involvement in my friend's wedding since last september, and the incredible pressure of the last weeks leading up to the big day, i must admit my desire to place an entry about it here on my blog was really to wrap it up and move on. i put a lot of my own issues on the back burner during that time, and i am very eager to finally pay attention to my own needs and issues, instead of others. especially since this year is such a watershed of sorts in that area for me. time to help myself as much as i help others. and not let others make me feel guilty in the process.

but in my speed to wrap up the wedding saga and move on, a few details [a virgo specialty] were missed. so i will now redo it adding them.

my friend, accessg [the photographer who's site i profiled a couple weeks ago] is also a friend of the bride, and she'd invited him to the rehearsal dinner, and wanted him as my guest at her wedding. i wanted him to attend these functions also, knowing he would be happy for the bride and want to witness her big day.

...plus, accessg is a fun and bubbly guy to have around, and his infectious charm adds good vibes to any event. i knew he'd enjoy himself and others would enjoy his spirit of fun too.

the closer i came to the wedding day, the more frazzled i became, and accessg was there to help me and the bride. he generously offered to drive both days to the wedding location, even getting up at 6 AM on saturday so i could get there on time for my bridesmaid's duties.

sunday was going to be a problem, since there were more people than cars to get the bride's family back to the airport, and the bride and i planned two trips over 4 hrs--a very stressful thing. but accessg generously offered to be the third ride, and the three of us managed to get the bride's family to the airport on time, and in one 30+ mile trip.

on the day of the wedding, accessg also shadowed the photographer during the pre-ceremony sessions, and got some great shots of the bride, groom, and their families. about 150 shots. he'll be using these photos in a special gift to the bride too. the photographer even gave him some photo tips.

as for the after ceremony party, we all danced, even me. i'm not much for dancing, especially in my uncomfortable dress. but i did, and accessg [who happens to be a great dancer] and i, along with other members of the family had a great time. near the end of the party, when some were i think a little drunk, they started to toss some family members in the air. this was great, but the banquet hall's ceiling was very low, and although the bride's 9 yr old nephew got flung without incident, the groom's toss almost landed him in the hospital with a concussion from landing on his head. the band, The Flying Mueller Bros., had large bongo drums set up on the dance floor, and we all took turns helping beat out the rhythms to their many latin-flavored songs. near the end they switched to rock and punk, and ended with a great set of GreenDay that sounded just like the real thing.

so, thanks to the bride, her family, and accessg for a very successful wedding, which went on quite successfully. and again, my best wishes to the bride and her new husband for a long, happy, and successful marriage!

it's mutability time!

are you a sun sign gemini, virgo, sagittarius, or pisces? if so, have you felt increased pressure and tension the past couple of weeks? have you felt like screaming or hiding under a rock until further notice? wonder what's going on?

well, its that time of year again. time for the big fat mutable 'grand cross' in the sky. when planets are in mutable signs and oppose each other, this happens, like right now. today the sun is in gemini, moon is in virgo, uranus is in pisces, and pluto is still in sagittarius. from early may until last week mars was in pisces, which also heated things up. ugh.

mutability is what astrologers call a "quadriplicity"--or a way of functioning in the world. there are three of them:

cardinal: initiator, motivated and a go-getter, starts things but has hard time following them through. can be pushy. signs: aries, cancer, libra, and capricorn.
fixed: grounded, persevering, sees things through, but perseverence can become extreme stubbornness. hates change. signs: taurus, leo, scorpio, and aquarius.
mutable: flexible, changeable, oscillates between cardinal and fixed energies. too much flexibility can become volatile instability. loves change. signs: gemini, virgo, sagittarius, and pisces.

most people's charts are a mixture of the three to some extent, but many times a chart will show a preponderance towards one flavor of quadriplicity. for instance, although i have stable, fixed taurus as my ascendant, moon sign, and north node, and fixed scorpio in neptune, my sun, mercury, mars, jupiter, saturn, uranus, and pluto are all in mutable signs—meaning i tend towards mutable expressions of energy.

many people that have a preponderance also have a "grand square" or "T-square" in their natal chart, and it becomes "activated" when the conditions are just right…like now. my natal chart contains a T-square, and it is activated by the current mutable grand square taking place.

negative aspects of mutability manifest as unstableness, useless information, general instability, verbal jousting, and irritability. the more natal planets that are involved, the weirder things become. and things have been pretty irritating and weird in my little corner of the world i can tell you.

the only good thing about this is that it will be over soon.

on the other hand, i feel in a way that i'm just beginning to wake up from a fixed-phase. the past few years i've relied heavily on my native taurus planets to get me thru some pretty intense stuff, the kind that only an organized fixed sign could really pull through without breaking up. long boring projects requiring lots of perseverence to see thru to the end, tons of patience and the ability to wait other things out. taurus and the other fixed signs are well equipped to hold ground and even advance during the most inclement cosmic weather and i've used that energy the best i could. but now i feel the sun coming out. winter is over.

my mutability is waking up again. my attention span is getting a little shorter, i get bored more easily, i'm finding it more difficult to sit still. i'm itching to do things, anything, and just enjoy being flighty, a little inconsistent, and indecisive. we'll see.

for all you readers with a preponderance of mutable energy—hang in there. now's the time to indulge your urge to do 2-5 things at once and enjoy it!

The last wedding entry

meanwhile, as everything else spirals out of control, the wedding i'd mentioned previously happened a week ago saturday. it went on without a hitch, and even the weather cooperated [although there were moments we didn't think it would].

the bride looked beautiful, the wedding parties managed the best they could [especially us bridesmaids with those dresses], the ceremony was held outside in a very blooming courtyard. during the ceremony i was attacked by a big fuzzy bumblebee who was buzzing around the flowers and happened to notice the bouquet i was holding. but i didn't get stung, thank god.

the catering, band, and all else went extremely well, without glitches. the food was excellent, and so was the band. everyone had a great time. usually something bombs at a wedding, but this one was the exception. it all came together without a sournote.

my friend is now happily married and away on her honeymoon. i wish her and her husband a long, loving, and enriching marriage.

after all the pressure, i myself am relieved that this is over with and that all our hard work paid off on the wedding day.

so no more posts about the wedding after this. onto new dramaticals.

today's horoscope

Pisces
February 18 - March 19
Whether you are a volunteer or you do it for a living, if your daily activity involves some kind of altruism or giving of yourself, today you may learn a very important lesson, dear Pisces. You are going to learn that in order to help other people, you need to take learn to take care of yourself. After all, how can you help other people as much as you would like to if you don't take good care of yourself mentally and physically?

sometimes these little daily horoscopes can be so on the money.

today was still horrible, still dysfunctional. and it involved questioning myself as to why i care so much about certain things. i'm such a sucker. i care about things, other people see that and take advantage of my good nature, and are ungrateful for my diligence, and then after that, they can't just leave it alone, no they have to make sure that not only should i be concerned for something that i gain no profit from, but they try to make me feel bad too. or lie and manipulate so i get yelled at and unfairly berated.

but i've also noticed that when i try to change this unhealthy behavior, its like the heavens open up and drop endless distractions in my lap, so i can't concentrate on being a little concerned for my own needs. today was one of those days, and fits perfectly with this whole last few weeks. its just amazing how the devil tries to suck me in.

dysfunction

i guess the major theme these last few weeks has been dysfunction. i'm a magnet for it, and lets just say that it wastes a lot of my time at my livelihood. flounders are a good visual metaphor for dysfunction. they're like these fucked up fish who have all the fish pieces but their put together like a picasso scupture and somehow, flounders still function (a little), and they're very tasty. they do look uncomfortable in their own skin though. thats a middling-type dysfunction. but there are other types, like:

emotionless ice block: freezes all around them who attempt emotional honesty. most of these have dug out the emotional center of their brainstem with a Q-tip at a young age. unsympathetic, mean, cruel, and controlling, this dysfunctional type feels no satisfaction in making others miserable, but do it because they have huge stock holdings in Kleenex.

miserable miser bastard: equally emotionless, and rich, but not from their own brainpower, but gained on the backs of others. and even with all that, they're still miserable bastards who live vicariously through causing pain to others.

shrieking mutant: overly intouch with feelings, this dysfunctional type has only one volume setting, the shriek. not the type to take to the movies since you can't mute them like a cell phone.

spineless jelloblob: spine has been removed during childhood, leaving an ineffectual, morbid dysfunction type who can't sit up straight. ironically, this type usually ends up the patriarch or matriarch of families. this one's dysfunction is viral, spreading around due to inability to make decisions, take a stand, or acquire an ounce of integrity. viral symptoms include inability to grow a spine when needed.

guilt transporter: specializing in trips that focus upon guilt, this little bastard weedles its way into complex groups. once their fingers start pointing and their manipulative comments multiply the fun begins.

snake weasel: usually found at garden parties and mediocre Better Homes and Gardens type social events. this dysfunctional type lies, cheats, manipulates, and holds others emotionally hostage while they blather on and on about how they are effective "team players". like the cockroach, this dysfunctional type can outlast a nuclear winter, but is threatened by those who express intelligence, integrity, and respect for others. when exposed to this the snake weasel will use their powers of lying and manipulation to slanderous means. success is based upon how low the IQs are of others who surround them. cannot thrive in highly intelligent or normal environments.

the chewed gum: usually older, this dysfunctional type has been worn out be their natural dysfunctional environment. lazy, slow to comprehend, with a unique ability to disappear when needed, this space-taker-upper floats on whatever garbage-barge life puts them on.

toe fungusnus: this type lives vicariously thru the business of others. cannot mind their own business and makes every effort to turn every hangnail into an emmy nominated Lifetime Channel dramatical.

the burnt offering: usually includes a childhood slathered in dysfunction. upon entering adulthood cannot function in normal environments without a protective seal. attracts the other dysfunctional types like ants to candy. usually ends up with a choice to be honest with themselves and change their dysfunctional relationships and removing those that are hurting them, or to sink slowly into a pit of dispair. those that choose to confront their dysfunctional beginnings and change who they are successfully exit the hornets nest of poisonous people and go on to live healthy, normal lives. however, this is not accomplished without tremendous pain and blunt honesty. not for the faint of heart.

anger

the last couple of weeks i've been feeling very angry at times and hurt at others. yesterday was horrible but i don't want to get into it now. i've always liked godzilla; he seemed able to express his anger succinctly. yet, godzilla was still happy-go-lucky once he'd shredded the evil monster foe like mothra or that three-headed thing. godzilla was true to his feelings. sure, he kept trashing tokyo, but i'm certain he felt better after it. i wish i had a miniature tokyo to trash.

a mid-week joke

ha ha.