what i am learning

everything changes. the only thing constant is change. some people coax change. others embrace it. even people who refuse to change, change. even if they don't admit it, it becomes obvious. but what is the value of change?

change is neutral. it can be good or bad, even in people. some changes are definitely for the worse. change is usually accompanied with other things like acceptance, denial, fear, or challenge. especially negative changes. whether it be a thing, place or person.

but the trick is not to discern if the change is good or bad in a vacuum, but its value to you, or me. as in, is that change [in that person place or thing] advantageous to me? is it beneficial? positive? Or, is it draining? emotionally depleting? is it having a NEGATIVE affect on my wellbeing or self-worth? is it wasting my valuable energy that i could more fruitfully apply elsewhere?

these are the questions that must be asked. honestly. the answers, well…might not be positive, uplifting, or encouraging, but if the changes create a negative environment, that environment creates a need to address it. addressing negative change isn't easy, since the result is usually the elimination of the negative person place or thing. but refusing to confront it leads to its own misery. it is only when you clean out the junk that you have room for things of value.

and that is my thought for the day.

speaking of flowers…

my friend accessg has just redesigned his website. he's quite artistic and talented in multiple medias, including photography. his new site includes a section devoted to his beautiful photographs, which he's also offering for sale. i think some of his best photos are of flowers. if you have a blank wall in your home, why not get one of accessg's photos to brighten it up? maybe a flower…? no haughty pretense on his site, just nice stuff. you can find accessg's site here.

flowers have feelings too

this is a very interesting science article which suggests that our affection and love of flowers may have altered their evolution. daisies are my favorite flowers. like duckies, daisies are just so cute. you can't help but smile.

duckies!

i love all kinds of ducks. but i love rubber duckies the best.

my new favorite japanese cartoon: ghost in the shell/stand alone complex

i love cartoon network's latenight lineup, especially their japanese anime. i'm an avid fan of Cowboy Bebop, Trigun, Full Metal Alchemist, and Big O. the japanese animation is beautiful, and the stories and character development are highly creative. the japanese tell the best stories.

i've been tuning into a new show, Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex and find it especially interesting. the other night there was an episode where the villain, "The Laughing Man" pasted his logo [above] over certain character faces during a TV broadcast in the show and the central characters were unnerved. i thought the logo was unnerving and odd. what did it mean?

after some investigation i found that "Stand Alone Complex" describes two different series modes—there are "stand alone" episodes that aren't part of a larger story, and related "complex" episodes that play out over many episodes and involve the character "The Laughing Man". the backstory for the characters are also very interesting. in the plotline people in 2030 will have cyborg implants that connect them directly to the super-internet, and to each other, and some people will be more machine than human. privacy and individuality will be no more.

then i discovered that the laughing man character is named after a short story by JD Salinger, and the quote in the logo is from his famous book, "The Catcher in the Rye". Here's the full quote:

"I thought what I'd do was, I'd pretend I was one of those deaf-mutes. That way I wouldn't have to have any goddamn stupid useless conversations with anybody. If anybody wanted to tell me something they'd have to write it on a piece of paper and shove it over to me. They'd get bored as hell doing that after a while, and then I'd be through with having conversations for the rest of my life."

The Catcher in the Rye is a very controversial book, even today and covers many layered themes of loss of innocence, alienation, and the phony ways of adulthood, among other complex themes. this is the last book i'd think an anime would include in its story as a symbolic device, but i think its brilliant.

I am quite intrigued this anime is full of layered, subjective symbolic meanings. apparently this TV series is based on a 1995 movie of the same name, released in japan. the animation for the movie was completed by the same company that created the fantastic anime sequence in Kill Bill, Part 1. the production values of Ghost in the Shell are top-notch. elaborate illustration, deep rich color pallets, very atmospheric background designs.

if you are interested in learning more about this anime series, this site contains some indepth information.

it's Engrish!

here's a site that can only be funny if you speak english. hilarious translations. i used to deal with translated japanese instruction manuals and this site reminds me of that. yes, often something does get lost in translation.

the childhood friend thing

talk about sharing feelings. although i wasn't going to say anything about the childhood friend thing that was bothering me [previous post]. my friend the bride and i made plans for saturday evening, to get together with a few other friends and go out. i happened to arrive as the bride was speaking with the person arranging her bachelorette party, her friend from another state. i came in and sat at the kitchen table waiting for her to finish her phone conversation.

soon after i sat down, this person with my friend's name came up in their conversation, and the women on the other line i guess didn't know about this other friend, so the bride explained it to her by saying "yeah, so-and-so, she's my best friend…" the words just clicked in my brain like a key in a lock, and i could feel myself getting upset. it was just one of those moments i guess everyone has at some point where words become triggers. i tried my hardest to just stuff all the feelings inside and not let them show. i really didn't want to let anything out to my friend.

she finished her phone conversation, hung up, and came over to speak with me. i was choking back the tsumani of feelings inside me. anger, sorrow, regret, emptyness, grief. it was all there and i guess i couldn't pull it back far enough to have it hidden. my friend the bride asked me what was wrong. at first i said "nothing" and she asked again, saying "no, there's something wrong." the third time she asked was the charm. it all came pouring out, unmitigated, like a raging river at flood level, choked with mud.

i said, "you know, your conversation was a trigger here. i don't want to talk about it. i feel terrible, but this is one of the happiest times in your life and i don't want to ruin it, but for me, this time is bringing up so much pain and it hurts." i started sobbing. i felt like an idiot. i hate crying in front of people.

i went on to tell her that what she'd just mentioned about her friend hurt. not that i am not happy that she has such a childhood friend, or jealousy or anything like that, but it hurt because it made me think about my loss, and all that comes with it. something i don't choose to think about at all. and the fact that they both share the same name is what was the most screwed up thing. it was playing with my head. not a common name, so this encounter with a mirrored situation was just hitting me in the stomach like a right hook. i just let go and continued to sob and told her i was sorry for this. i didn't mean to break down, but the words 'best friend' felt like the pin was pulled from the grenade.

i said that only children think in terms of 'best' friends, but that it had stuck with me since it was sort of frozen in my heart at the time of my friend's death, and that we had been infact, 'best' friends, and the loss of that, at a key moment during those years was like a branding or scarring in me. and all the other things i'd mentioned in my previous post, like not having my friend to talk about those times with, and that i'd put them away in my heart so i wouldn't think about them.

i felt horrible for this emotional outburst, but my friend took it in stride. she tried to comfort me, telling me she felt bad that i had to go thru this and understood that it was the name, above anything else that made this painful, that if this person had another name, like betty, or linda, it would not be such a trigger and emotional raw spot. she understood, and i appreciate her understanding like she did. she said that if our positions were reversed she'd feel the same way. i appreciate my friend and that she wasn't horrified by my intense emotions, and instead offered me some understanding.

although i am an intensely emotional person, it is all on the inside. its very difficult for me to express my strong feelings in a palatable manner, or in a way that they don't take over when released. my feelings are a source of both power and undoing, and since they wield such energy inside me i feel i must give my emotions the respect they're due. they aren't something i treat lightly. but i know that stuffing them isn't healthy either, that eventually they come out, even more intense than intended. as in this case.

i guess this is an area of myself i just have to keep working on.

oversensitive pisces

"fishbones and detris…scattered remains…carelessly discarded refuse" is the tag for this blog of a pisces. and its certainly lived up to that description. many other bloggers focus on providing pithy links or political commentary to attract readers. i'd thought about doing that, but decided this blog is better left as a place to unload my mind and feelings. a healthy way to do it at least. healthier than putting my fist through a wall or other destructive emotional outlets.



back in february i'd briefly discussed pisces sensitivity. we're so damn sensitive its ridiculous. sometimes i wish i could just shut it off. i've tried but i can't. the emotions have weight and i've found that if they get stuffed they definitely build up in pressure, and that can lead to unpleasant emotional outbursts. definitely unpleasant.



so this little spot on the web is great. i don't care about attracting readers, or posting links [although i post those that i think some might find interesting when i find them]. instead, this is a great place to VENT. like a few of my recent posts--about the jerk at my job and the wedding dramaticals. the whole thing is uneven, without topical structure or anything, but then again that's very pisces too.

the wedding

tonight i go p/u my ugly and newly tailored bridesmaid dress and dyed shoes. i can't wait. the countdown to the wedding is in two weeks, and i'm emotionally and financially spent already. although i'm very happy for my friend, alot of this has been like nails on a chalkboard to me, or a microphone with backfeed.

one of the other bridesmaids flies in early next week with her kids. this person is a childhood friend of the bride, who happens to have the same name as a memory i'd rather forget...

back when i was 16 i lost my best friend to a drunk driver. he also murdered her boyfriend and her brother in that accident. back then our state had no serious penalties for DWIs and the guy got off with a traffic ticket.

losing those you love suddenly at any age is traumatic, but like losing a mom when your 5 yrs old, losing a best friend at 16 is devastating because that's the most influential and important thing in your life at that time. i know i was inconsolable for at least a year after my friend died. the fact that her brother also died in it only made it worse. her brother was also a good friend of mine, like an older brother to me. she was 15 and he was 19. her boyfriend was 17. a real tragedy.

even after i got over it, being human i always wondered what my friend would be now if she'd lived. would she have gone to college? had a career? a husband? kids? my friend never got the chance because of some drunk.

this accident was a turning point in my life. my childhood ended abruptly that june morning at the age of 16. it forced me to grow up overnight. the shadow of death and loss has been with me ever since. its influenced nearly everything i've done since then, and not always in the most positive way.

but this event also greatly sensitized me to such things. whenever i hear of a teenager's tragic death, whether it be a car accident, or an unthinkable tragedy such as Columbine, i instantly think about what the surviving young people must be going through--a very enormous emotional toll for a teenager to have to deal with. my hearts are with them all. i know how they must feel, and i feel terrible for what they will have to endure. such events mark a person for life.

it took me a long time to put that behind me, and sudden tragedies like that have insidious affects that you just can't know about unless you've been through it. for example, after that accident, many of her other friends as well as some of the family avoided me—i spent alot of time alone—because i was a constant reminder of my dead friend. that only made it hurt even more.

the other thing is that i don't know what its like to have such a long term friendship—someone that knew you as a child that you're still close with. being an only child my friend was like my sister in many ways. we had many adventures together. some of the happiest times of my teenage years i had with her. now there's no one to remember them with. i don't think much about those years because all the memories end with that tragedy. as a matter of fact i've not thought much about them at all until now. which brings me back to the other bridesmaid.

not only is she a childhood friend of the bride, but shares my dead friend's name, which was not a very common name. infact, i've never met another woman with her name. there are also other similarities in their friendship to the one i had. the only difference is that the bride's friend is alive and well. married with kids and a career. the sad irony isn't lost on me and its been keeping me up nights all week.

the bride knows all this, but she is not as sensitive as me, nor has she ever lost someone she loves, all her significant others are still alive and well. so she doesn't know how uncomfortable this situation is for me, expecially when i will help entertain this woman and escort her for part of her trip.

i can't and won't say anything, because i don't want to spoil the positive emotions my friend the bride is experiencing at this time, but at the same time i feel alot of pain. i don't want to think about my dead friend anymore, nor the events that came after her death. i want to leave it where it belongs--in the past.

...and of course star wars

i was lucky enough to attend the first star wars episode 3 showing at midnight on wednesday with my friends. i'm a big scifi fan and star wars has always been one of my favorites. i like all the films, even the two new ones that preceded this one. although they weren't the best of them, the visual effects [except jarjar] are fantastic and a nice escape from reality.

i don't understand why some critics panned episode 3, i thought it was great, right up there with the original movie [1977] and the empire strikes back [1980]. telling darth vader's story adds emotional weight to the older films, and i can't wait until a snowday this winter to rent all 6 films and watch them in order.

if you haven't seen episode 3 due to some idiot's review, i suggest you ignore them and go see it on the big screen—it won't be the same on home DVD. the effects and the story make for a very satisfying 2.5 hr escape from this sorry planet.

united corporation of america

wikipedia is such an awesome site. i know its got alot of professional stuffy people upset, because its a labor of luv instead of a dry, clinical thing, but its got info that no pay-per-view encyclopedia would ever have. even the most mundane stuff. today i searched for corporation names, like just to find a list of some, and wikipedia had some great links with tons of info.

ever wonder where a company got their name? here's a link to wikipedia's page of corporation name etymologies. not an exhaustive list, but some of it is fascinating. i didn't even know "portmanteau" was a word, as in "Verizon" is a portmanteau of veritas (Latin for truth) and horizon.

then there's this section that has sublisting for company names organized by their countries. the US section has a list [and link] at the bottom of its page for "former" companies. anyone remember Airborn Express?

control freak weasel rectum

i waste so much of my day dealing with crazy dysfunctional people. today i dealt with a person here who is such a rectal spasm—ask them to do something and it turns into a spanish inquisition because they're a combination snake/weasel/anal-fissurly challenged rectum. an uber control-freak who doesn't know their own rectum from their arthritic knee or badly dyed hair.

and in the end, they had to do what i'd asked to begin with, but not without a smart-assy remark while leaving my office. you'd think this person was some junior associate, right? wrong. they're 15 yrs older than me, part of the infantily-challenged babyboomer generation, who all act like they're little 3 yr olds on crack, taking illogical pride in attending the 1960s, as if nothing's happened since then.

note to all you selfish, arrogant, botoxed babyboomers: the 1960s have been over for 30+ yrs and no one gives a shit. you all SOLD OUT—all that peace-love-hippie bullshit, and i mean bullshit, and here we are with a boomfucker IQ-challenged president in another vietnam, except this time your shipping your kids to their graves. very enlightened.

this place is full of whiny, pathetic babyfuckingboomers. makes getting things done like raking leaves with a toothbrush. "but," a boomer will say, "its a hip & trippy toothbrush!" go fuck yourselves.

the strangest dream

it sounds like a song lyric, but last night i had the strangest dream. i dreampt i was attending a catholic 'retreat' in cincinnati ohio. i'd travelled by bus for 17 hrs to be there on a thursday, but i promised my boss i'd be in on friday, then return to the retreat.



in the dream the retreat house was more like a giant monolith built in a circle, and the guestrooms were on the floors above the church. but the church was a giant circle at the bottom, split in four like pieces of pie, and each quarter was a completely different church with a different alter. one of them looked something like the picture above. one alter was made of dark wood, one of grey granite, one of pinkish marble, and the final one was modern.

i'd awoke on friday and remembered i had to get to work, and walked thru all four alters on my way out--the entire circle was made of beautiful glass windows, but the brightest and most spiritual was in the granite section, my last stop before leaving. there was a mass in progress and i'd stopped to admire the alter's beauty--the sun was shining thru the stained glass windows and it was bright, like what you'd think heaven was like. in the dream i remember thinking that i wanted to return to this place as soon as possible since it was so comforting. then i made my way to the exit.

but it wasn't a door, instead it was a tunnel that led out to a glass-boxed escalator to the street between a bodega and i guess a deli. in my dream cincinnati was filthy and smelled awful. the whole city part was punctuated by smells of rotting garbage, urine, and dirt. the city i entered was a horrible decrepid place, like inner city neighborhoods such as newark nj have--where everything was just ready to fall apart.

the city was very crowded and the people were all dressed in filthy rags and they themselves were unkept and unshowered. everyone stared at me as i walked. i kept smelling the foul odors. i was filled with anxiety over having to go to work, and walking around this filthy place.

then i realized i didn't know how to get to the bus/train station and started asking for directions, but no one knew where it was because they had all been unemployed forever, and didn't commute anywhere. i panicked and my anxiety grew, knowing time was short. i entered a grimy mini-mall and thought to call work and tell them i was not coming in--then i realized i'd lost my cell phone, and that i couldn't navigate back to the escalator back to church. i freaked. i ended up at some meat-frying kiosk and started to tell my story to a woman standing there, the 17 hr bus ride, losing my cell phone, losing my way, my boss, etc.

as she answered me i looked at the cook frying up the disgusting meat things [like meat on a stick stuff] and noticed the meat being cooked was rancid and unrefrigerated, but people were buying and eating it anyway. i felt my stomach turn, and my anxiety deepen. then i realized that it would take another 17 hr busride to get back to work, and i'd never make it, and the thought of going in on friday during my retreat was ridiculous.!

then i woke up, and for a minute, thought i was still somehow in that awful place before i realized it was a dream. the anxiety feelings stayed with me for most of the day.

i've never been to cincinnati, and have never wanted to visit there--i know nothing about that city and have no idea it was so prominent in the story. this is one of the strangest dreams i've had in a long time.

more scorpio via taurus

although he's not a rock star, al pacino is another taurus who channels scorpio energy. pacino has also embraced his dark scorpio opposite in films such as "Scarface", "Carlito's Way", and the very scorpio "GodFather" movies. he's also appeared as a playfully dark and sexual satan with keanu reeves in "The Devils Advocate."

other lesser-known pacino films "Serpico" and "Dog Day Afternoon" deal with the theme of the flawed hero, who is doing what is right but possesses a scorpio-dark heart.

pacino is a taurus, but his character portrayals are anything but the friendly, cuddly, relaxed traits of the typical bull.

more traditional taurus natives channel their own energy, which is soft, warm, and sort of pie-in-the-face cuddly. and do so very successfully.



bing crosby was the most successful musical artist of the first half of the 20th century. way before howard stern, he was the king of all media; star of song, movies, radio, and later his own tv specials, bing was the typical relaxed, cuddly taurus.



carol burnett is a good example of the taurus slapstick sense of humor. The Carol Burnett Show was one of the most successful comedy shows of the 20th century and featured ridiculous costumes and lots of burnett's physical [taurus] comedy. although carol had plenty of personal life tragedies, and later played some serious tv movie roles, her public adored her for her taurean down-to-earth warmth and friendly persona.



being a pisces sun myself, i have to admit i've a bit attracted to taurus men, and have always been very fond of jimmy stewart. stewart's hometown, everyman characters are classic. stewart portrayed very fallible men, and even in person didn't seem the typical hollywood actor. he was quiet and shy, and later wrote poetry and did voiceovers for campbell soup tv commercials. he was a no-nonsense sort of guy, but was also the type of man you wouldn't mind bringing home to mom. although i suspect he was a raging bull in bed :)

further analysis

having heard "With Teeth" i've been curious about trent reznor's birth chart. i've known for a long time that he was a taurus, but never really thought much of it. but last year i attended madonna's latest tour and during her show i realized that she was 'embracing' her astrological opposing sun sign in how she communicated through her music, dance, and visual images. madonna is a leo, yet everything about her concert was aquarius, leo's opposite. madonna's show was excellent and very spiritual, which is a definite aquarian trait, not a leo one. ever since that concert i've been moderately curious about sucessful musicians and artists and their embracement of 'the other side of the coin'. such is the case with reznor.

a few weeks ago i saw a tv commercial for his upcoming CD and when i saw the black leather, fierce angry rage in his face, and the heavy music, i realized that trent reznor wasn't a typical taurus and that, in fact, he was channeling his opposing sun sign, scorpio.

taurus is a friendly sign, and we're in it right now. the fertile full-on spring part of the year--the part where seeds sprout and fields are tilled. taurus represents fertility to the max. it also represents 'earthiness' and some astrologers say that the Earth, not Venus, is its true 'planet'. earthiness includes agriculture, farming, rich fields for cows and bulls to munch on, the whole dairy-farm scenario.

taurus doesn't like secrets. they are down-to-earth, everything about them is on the surface, face value. you get what you see. they say what they mean and mean what they say. taurus just isn't interested in depth, or having to ferret out information. they are very simple in that regard.

taurus is also a 'fixed' sign, representing 'coiled energy' or that which is in reserve. taurus plots its course, takes its time, and doesn't expend energy in its journey that isn't necessary. taurus is about holding on to resources, growing and nurturing them. taurus also represents finance and money [ie: "Bull market"]. Bull markets are where people make money. Bear markets mean losing it. taurus is concerned with financial growth and security. they are stubborn and will stick with something until finished. they are resilient, but sometimes too bullheaded. yet they never want to hurt another person and will go to great lengths to keep the peace.

taurus loves peace. like elsie the cow, taurus prefers peaceful co-existence with others and love to relax and kick back. tauruses like routine, and being fixed, can sometimes end up in a rut because they so abhor change of any kind. taurus colors are earthtones, and rich textured materials such as velvet and silk, loved for their 'touch' appeal. tauruses like tactile stimulation. others feel peaceful, relaxed and secure around a taurus.

trent reznor doesn't look contented. his music doesn't reflect a peaceful atmosphere. he always wears black leather. he has pushed the envelope artistically numerous times, resulting in some hurt feelings. his music expresses decay, gory scenes, deep twisted black emotions. although he is a sun sign taurus, he is channeling his opposite.

taurus' opposite sign is scorpio, and although they share core traits such as tenacity and stubbornness, scorpio is 180 degrees apart.

taurus is springtime in full bloom, scorpio is dark, brutile, cold late fall. scorpio is just as concerned with security as taurus, but its not earthy. its deep and cavernous, hiding parts of itself in nooks and crannies so others cannot see.

scorpio doesn't experience a peaceful co-existence with others. it endures conflict. life is a series of battles to be won with shrewd strategies and intricate manipulations. attacks and counterattacks. both taurus and scorpio remember hurts forever. taurus will nurture and brood over them. scorpio will seek revenge.

taurus is the dairy farmer, bringing his milk to market. scorpio is the large diversified corporation that happens to run a milk plant and distributes products in various forms to supermarkets worldwide. taurus is agriculture. scorpio is industry [ie: industrial].

scorpio is the detective, patiently ferretting out all the clues. getting to the bottom of the story, looking beyond the taurean obvious to see what makes everything tick. but this psychology brings with it an uneasiness, an inner tension and overwhelming internal emotional turmoil that is kept 'coiled' [same energy as taurus] under lock and key and only let out at choice moments. when released this coiled energy is like a tsunami, blowing everything to bits. bull in a china shop [taurus]; tsunami [scorpio]. both signs have tremendously powerful tempers when they finally erupt.

but where taurus will keep the peace at all costs, including their own sanity, scorpio won't. scorpio represents chaos, painful transformation, decay, and death. scorpio isn't beyond shaking things up to get results. tossing in the live grenade to get to the bottom of situations others will just accept. uncovering painful and unspoken feelings. the things most usually avoid thinking about.

scorpio is necessary, and although many themes of this sign are unpleasant, they are beautiful processes in their own way. decay is a big scorpio theme--usually the thought of something rotting isn't very appealing. but decay is a process that provides the fertilizer for new growth. transforming dead things to living things again. transformation is another key scorpio theme.

reznor's persona and music are all scorpio themes, with a few taurus ones mixed in. his lyrics speak of painful emotional hurts, revenge, catharsis, decay, digging to the bottom of things, exposing nasty thoughts, pure sex [closer is the uber scorpio song], aloneness, depression, living hells. the taurus themes come in when he sings of sameness, inflexibility, unchanging patterns. also references to teeth, throats, and swallowing are taurus since it rules the throat, but his scorpio themes are far more numerous.

reznor was born on may 17, 1965 in pennsylvania. he has the typical outerplanets of an early genxer, with the saturn/pluto opposition in pisces-virgo, a major source of depression and self destructive behaviors in many born during the mid to late 1960s. his ascendant is capricorn and moon is in sagittarius. capricorn makes a nice trine to his sun, but the sagittarius moon squares most of his outer planets, which is a constant source of his tension and anger. his mercury is in taurus, which makes him a powerful and consistent communicator. venus is in gemini--lots of relationship dramas and hard to find real love. his mars is in virgo, giving him precision in the expression of his anger and rage. his jupiter is in gemini, which is an astrological representation of a big "kick me" sign--a lack of 'luck'; he's had to work for everything, no free rides. lots of tough breaks.

a very complex chart, but i've blabbed on long enough and i need to go to sleep. goodnight.

more teeth

speaking of 'teeth', this week's one nice distraction was the new NIN CD, "With Teeth". i bought it tuesday and have been listening to it all week. i've been a NIN fan since "Pretty Hate Machine". i was sort of disappointed with "The Fragile", although it had a few good songs. i didn't know what to expect with the new CD and hoped it wasn't another Fragile...and it isn't.

trent reznor is, in my opinion, one of those few artists who can sum up some pretty intense/nasty/complex emotions accurately in musical tones. listening to an NIN song, a visceral emotional experience is the result. the feelings reznor's songs discuss aren't pretty--making them hard to quantify, but they're the sort of emotions most people usually stuff away in the shadowy dark corners of their hearts. NIN puts them out in the open on public record.

"With Teeth" needs a few full listens to extract the black viscious feelings thoroughly, but all of what trent sings about is "nailed" succinctly. i love this CD.

reznor is also an avid apple computer fan, and put out his CD in garageband a couple of weeks ago. you can download it here. and here's the link to the NIN site. if you're curious.

what makes "With Teeth" different than NIN's other CDs is it only took a year to complete, whereas "The Fragile", "The Downward Spiral", and "Pretty Hate Machine" each took 4-5 yrs. yes, its been 6 yrs since Fragile's release, but apparently reznor spent the year after its release trying to drink himself to death, eventually entering rehab. trent's been sober for 4 yrs and spent some time cleaning up his life. i give reznor credit--addiction recovery isn't easy, especially if you're a rock star.

this new sobriety can be heard on the "With Teeth" in its slightly more confident lyrics, and the clarity/intensity of sound. "All The Love In The World", "Only", "Sunspots", and "Right Where It Belongs" are my favorites. this CD helped this icky week go faster. thanks mr. reznor and good luck!

what a week

this site describes some of the astrological shenanigans of this week's explosive aspects.

There are several classic cosmic aspects in the sky this week that represent the potential for accidents, explosive anger, and general irritability. If we use these forces to best advantage, we will tackle major projects that require a lot of physical energy. The mix of planets call for controlled force, such as that which would be used when deliberately collapsing a building. Double check every element of a mechanical activity twice and concentrate on accuracy. Drive with care.

this week wasn't for the faint of heart. here was my horoscope :

Pisces (Feb. 18--Mar. 19):
You have so many things on your mind and so much to do that it could look like you are running a circus. It will be very easy to lose your temper because you are racing and others will not or cannot cooperate at your pace. You probably need to work alone this week for best results. Be especially careful with your feet, teeth and bones.




funny they should mention teeth since i've been grinding them in stress and frustration for much of this week. i must agree that this week i've been quite mutable, going places, doing things, all at top speed, sometimes two things at once [very mutable]. and i've been getting a little irritable because i feel this week's been all 'hurry up and wait'. i'm glad this week is over! now i've just got to de-stress. time to hit the gym.

word
this is a test

Darth Vader interpretations

the new star wars movie is about to be released. highly anticipated for its story of how anakin becomes darth vader, one of the most memorable fictional villians of the 20th century. this link is a fascinating look at the health and disease of the Lord Darth Vader.