dysfunction

i guess the major theme these last few weeks has been dysfunction. i'm a magnet for it, and lets just say that it wastes a lot of my time at my livelihood. flounders are a good visual metaphor for dysfunction. they're like these fucked up fish who have all the fish pieces but their put together like a picasso scupture and somehow, flounders still function (a little), and they're very tasty. they do look uncomfortable in their own skin though. thats a middling-type dysfunction. but there are other types, like:

emotionless ice block: freezes all around them who attempt emotional honesty. most of these have dug out the emotional center of their brainstem with a Q-tip at a young age. unsympathetic, mean, cruel, and controlling, this dysfunctional type feels no satisfaction in making others miserable, but do it because they have huge stock holdings in Kleenex.

miserable miser bastard: equally emotionless, and rich, but not from their own brainpower, but gained on the backs of others. and even with all that, they're still miserable bastards who live vicariously through causing pain to others.

shrieking mutant: overly intouch with feelings, this dysfunctional type has only one volume setting, the shriek. not the type to take to the movies since you can't mute them like a cell phone.

spineless jelloblob: spine has been removed during childhood, leaving an ineffectual, morbid dysfunction type who can't sit up straight. ironically, this type usually ends up the patriarch or matriarch of families. this one's dysfunction is viral, spreading around due to inability to make decisions, take a stand, or acquire an ounce of integrity. viral symptoms include inability to grow a spine when needed.

guilt transporter: specializing in trips that focus upon guilt, this little bastard weedles its way into complex groups. once their fingers start pointing and their manipulative comments multiply the fun begins.

snake weasel: usually found at garden parties and mediocre Better Homes and Gardens type social events. this dysfunctional type lies, cheats, manipulates, and holds others emotionally hostage while they blather on and on about how they are effective "team players". like the cockroach, this dysfunctional type can outlast a nuclear winter, but is threatened by those who express intelligence, integrity, and respect for others. when exposed to this the snake weasel will use their powers of lying and manipulation to slanderous means. success is based upon how low the IQs are of others who surround them. cannot thrive in highly intelligent or normal environments.

the chewed gum: usually older, this dysfunctional type has been worn out be their natural dysfunctional environment. lazy, slow to comprehend, with a unique ability to disappear when needed, this space-taker-upper floats on whatever garbage-barge life puts them on.

toe fungusnus: this type lives vicariously thru the business of others. cannot mind their own business and makes every effort to turn every hangnail into an emmy nominated Lifetime Channel dramatical.

the burnt offering: usually includes a childhood slathered in dysfunction. upon entering adulthood cannot function in normal environments without a protective seal. attracts the other dysfunctional types like ants to candy. usually ends up with a choice to be honest with themselves and change their dysfunctional relationships and removing those that are hurting them, or to sink slowly into a pit of dispair. those that choose to confront their dysfunctional beginnings and change who they are successfully exit the hornets nest of poisonous people and go on to live healthy, normal lives. however, this is not accomplished without tremendous pain and blunt honesty. not for the faint of heart.