brokeback mountain

last night a friend and i went into manhattan to see Brokeback Mountain.

based on the 1997 short story by annie proulx, this is one of the most intense and moving love stories i've ever seen on film.



the fated love shared by ennis and jack is set against a backdrop of stifling, culturally repressed, religiously ADD western USA from the early 1960s thru 1980s. ang lee's wyoming is breathtakingly beautiful, which is the environment inwhich ennis and jack carry on their 20 yr relationship. this is a paradox to the ghetto, messy, visually displeasing realities both live out with wives they marry to satisfy our culture's gender expectations. their children are average, and relations with inlaws is unspectacular, and in jack's case, demeaning, which i think anyone who has been married can relate to.

jack is the impulsive one, led by his heart to embrace ennis in a moment of raw passion during a cold night on brokeback mountain. jack's heart is worn on his sleeve throughout the movie. he can't help but allow it to rule his life despite his culture's expectations of what a Man Should Be.

ennis is the opposite of jack. product of a tragically truncated family, he's stuffed his feelings inside himself, only to escape during times of overboiling rage against those who would test him. ang lee's poetic scene at the july 4th fireworks elloquently expresses visually the churning, powerful emotions that traverse ennis's inner landscape.



as with most romeo&juliet love stories, the movie ends sadly and tragically. jake gyllenhaal and heath ledger infuse their characters with deep emotional texture that adds weight to brokeback's ending. alot of weight. the film lingered in my mind long after leaving the theatre.



although in limited release, i think brokeback mountain should be nominated for the academy awards, and should win. this movie's ability to traverse a relationship landscape where few dare to go, and to accomplish this so well, makes it the best picture of 2005 for me.

if you're still undecided about seeing this due to its subject matter, get over it. stop catering to people who's ignorance proceeds from the blinders they wear to reality. grow up, leave judgment at the theatre door and enjoy the film for what it is: a truly powerful and tragic love story.

Blah

Blah.

color preferences

i tend to wear a lot of black. agewise i'm in the early "gen-x" generation [termed 'x-Atari' by some] but was never a goth or anything. "sloppy" could've been my teenage moniker. but i remember that i began to wear a lot of black around the age of 15, which was also the time i began making money at odd jobs and could buy whatever clothing i wanted. i naturally started to gravitate towards the color black. even if i bought certain shirts in other colors, i always made sure i had one in black.

later i went thru some 'color' phases [notably a few years post-divorce in the early 1990s] and for a time adorned myself in almost outrageous color. then, for some reason in the mid-90s, i went back to black.

being an artist helps i guess, since its a common cliche to think of artists in black mock-turtlenecks. but i never wore black because of that. it always felt right to me and i've always been more comfortable wearing that color than any other [except for sometimes blue, which is my favorite color].

johnny cash of course made his most telling lifetime statement by switching to black. he even wore a black shirt under blue overalls on HeeHaw [i saw it on an infomercial].

lately i've been tossed a few casually sarcastic comments about my clothing color preferences. i think some people read too much into it and seem intimidated enough to offer up unsolicited idiotic comments to cover their insecurities. these comments irritate me since those offering them seem to have NO discernable style at all, wearing whatever could be scrounged from the dryer or hamper that day.

my black preference does go deep, but not that i could define. thanks to the web, the right words came at me thru a message board this evening:

"i think the reason that wearing black became so popular was that gex x has a very intuitive understanding of The Void, Nothingness, evil, etc. This Void, for those of you who have felt it or seen it, is actually quite a creative inspiration because the more it is "fed", the larger it gets.

But it is also terrifying on first encounter, because there is nothing blacker, nothing colder, nothing that reminds you more of, well...nothing, non being. It is a shock to see that it exists within you, especially at an early and tender age.

The Void is created (or perhaps discovered) in someone when a part of him or her dies. If you are a kid growing up around a divorce, something dies inside you that at first goes through putrification and decay, then dries to dust, then is walled off by scar tissue, leaving a hole where a living part of your soul had once been.

It is difficult and awkward to share that bit of nothingness with someone else, hence the black, which makes it ceremonial and a bit funerary and in a way fun and humorous.

I am not saying that kids of divorced parents are all black-wearing, or all basket-cases, or all major-leauge whiners. Most get along fine enough in life. But if one thing in my limited dealings with the human race has taught me (as the middle child of parents who stayed together), it is that EVERY kid who goes through it has that little hole in them--even if they can't see it, themselves.

Is there a way to heal it, fill it up, make it whole, nourish it, or restore it? Nope. (I've tried on numerous friends and loved ones in small subtle ways and gestures.) It's GONE forever.

It's similar to the Void in someone who has wrecked their life with drugs and alcohol. Even if they get over their booze and repair their lives, a part of them remains broken forever, sealed off, condemned in a secret and dark corner."
—Ricercar71

and this quote:

"The Void, if you want my opinion, isn't the wound itself (of the divorce, the death, the rape, whathaveyou) but the emptiness surrounding it, the refusal of people around you to acknowledge it, the terrible loneliness of having to say "I'm fine, how are you" to everyone you meet when, no, you're not fine, the world just fell apart."
—angeli

these quotes are taken from a message board on The Fourth Turning website.

i thought these two message authors were intuitive and i could most definitely relate. my black preferences exist on several levels from the easy [black goes w/everything] to sublime ["a part of them remains broken forever"]. like most latch-key early gen-xers, my parents divorced when i was 9 after 3 nasty years of legal battles, which i guess was the first void for me. but others followed swiftly, including the death of my best friend by a drunk driver, my own nasty twisted and expensive divorce, and other more recent and persistent events.

i'm not saying that everyone doesn't experience voids, horrible circumstances, etc, but there is something to be said for stuff that goes on in a kid's environment that stays with them for life. sure the data [written by adults] suggests kids are "resilient" in divorce, but even resilience has limits, and emotional scars, invisible to most mediocre people, run to great depths that sometimes only others who've been thru it can really understand.

i'll continue wearing black for all my various reasons. for those who feel compelled to offer stupid commentary, well, they probably do their best thinking when not sitting on their brains.

still water runs deep

so what movie did i rent? Last Days by Gus Van Sant, the director of the Columbine movie "Elephant."

when i rented it i didn't know what to expect. earlier this year it received terrible reviews when released. i knew it was loosely based on the 'last days' of kurt cobain's life, and that it was an 'art' film, and really didn't think it would be that good--i thought it would be hokey, surface, and just trying to hitch itself to the legend of cobain.

i have to say that to watch this movie one must:

1. be a big fan of nirvana.
2. have read widely about kurt cobain's life, his last year of life, and his emotional life.

if you don't have these two requirements, Last Days will be lost on you and you'll die of boredom. nothing in the movie will make sense to you, except some of the shots and costumes.

if you have the two requirements above, and are in a certain mood, this movie will make sense to you. you'll be amazed at van sant's attention to detail not only the surface stuff, but the darker emotional themes underlying them.

michael pitt, who stars as the rock star "blake" channel's kurt cobain dead on. more than the clothing and the hair, his mostly silent interpretation of this person's painful last few days on earth is painful to watch. his character is uncomfortable to watch as you know what he will eventually do. the movie doesn't show any scenes of drug use, nor the actual suicide, so the viewer is unsure where blake's madness comes from, but the mumbling with a few audible comments, the body movements, and the stare, speak of personal emotion distress that i think few could imagine.

pitt also channels cobain in two musical interludes, and does a fantastic job of conveying deep soulful emotional pain in the only way he could express it--thru music.

the movie is sprinkled with details many will miss. one is of the mention of being on 'bended knee". in one scene the video for Boyz II Men's "On Bended Knee" plays on a TV while blake succumbs to some inner demons. another scene shows his "friends" listening to Velvet Underground's "Venus in Furs" with the "bended knee" line mouthed by a listener. i think the juxtiposition of these two songs is deliberate. both lyrics contain relevant lines that pertain to the movie's themes:

Boyz II Men "On Bended Knee"

Darlin’ I can’t explain
Where did we lose our way
Girl it’s drivin’ me insane
And I know I just need one more chance
To prove my love to you
If you come back to me
I’ll gurantee
That I’ll never let you go

Chorus:
Can we go back to the days when our love was strong
Can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong
Can somebody tell me how to get things back
They way they use to be
Oh God give me a reason
I’m down on bended knee
I’ll never walk again until you come back to me
I’m down on bended knee

So many nights I dream of you
Holding my pillow tight
I know that I don’t need to be alone
I open up my eyes
To face reality
Every moment without you
It seems like eternity
I’m begging you, begging you come back to me

Chorus

Mike’s monolauge:
Baby, I’m sorry
Please forgive me for all the wrong I’ve done
Please come back home girl
I know you put all your trust in me
I’m sorry I let you down
Please forgive me

Gonna swallow my pride
Say I’m sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
I want a new life
And I want it with you
If you feel the same
Don’t ever let it go
You gotta believe in the spirt of love
It can heal all things
We won’t hurt anymore
No I don’t believe our love’s terminal
I’m down on my knees begging you please
Come home

Velvet Underground "Venus in Furs"

Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girlchild in the dark
Clubs and bells, your servant, don’t forsake him
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Downy sins of streetlight fancies
Chase the costumes she shall wear
Ermine furs adorn the imperious
Severin, severin awaits you there

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Kiss the boot of shiny, shiny leather
Shiny leather in the dark
Tongue of thongs, the belt that does await you
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

Severin, severin, speak so slightly
Severin, down on your bended knee
Taste the whip, in love not given lightly
Taste the whip, now plead for me

I am tired, I am weary
I could sleep for a thousand years
A thousand dreams that would awake me
Different colors made of tears

Shiny, shiny, shiny boots of leather
Whiplash girlchild in the dark
Severin, your servant comes in bells, please don’t forsake him
Strike, dear mistress, and cure his heart

being on one's knees can be interpreted as praying, begging, submission, all acts of a sort of "surrender". the two lyrics couldn't be more different in who they address, one is sweet, talking about going back to better times and being in love, the other is a monologue also of love, but a darker connotation of love in a sense of power, control, slave, servant issues. both are about relationships out of balance, one the lighter side, the other much darker.

"On Bended Knee" also mentions putting the blame back on the person singing the song [shades of "All Apologies"?] and the second song talks about servants "serving" their master [relating to "Serve the Servants"?]. Many of Cobain's songs mention relationships that are completely out of balance--where the control rests outside of the singer's hands, as they deal with serving the "other".

Since Courtney Love wouldn't have possibly allowed a more realistic interpretation of her husband's last days, nor provide permission to use his music, i think using these songs [and the Boys II Men video] was clever to say the least.

i think the director did his homework for this movie--not only visually [pitt's Blake, his clothing, etc, the session room, etc] but seeding this movie with deeper murky emotional cues that can be noticed only if you've read more about Cobain.

I think the movie received bad reviews because many didn't understand the context. blake has no character development here--he's already done and has made his decision to end his life. all the movie shows are hints as to why he might do what he ends up completing.

the phone book salesman -- blake lets him in and listens passively. a year ago he took out an ad--did he do it to please the salesman? will he renew it? this shows blake's lack of personal boundaries and his people pleaser nature.

his "friends" -- they only approach him when in need of something, advice about writing a song, or for money. they aren't his friends, they're leeches that have helped suck him dry.

the mormans -- coming to the house to explain the christian interpretation of Christ's sacrifice is a scene very loaded with all sorts of meanings.

the detective and friend -- grant and dylan carson made two visit's to cobains home looking for him in those last days. the movie shows blake running and hiding during both visits--speculation is that cobain did the same in real life. he'd already made up his mind about what he'd do.

the older woman -- she asks blake about his daughter and apologizing to her for becoming a rock 'cliche'. is the woman a representation of cobain's mother, wendy, who said kurt had gone a 'joined that stupid club' the one populated by cliches such as hendrix, morrison, and joplin? was she a symbol of many female influences in his life, all of them trying to provide nurturing and protection? it doesn't matter since she leaves without blake anyway.

i give this effort 4 out of 5 stars. but i'm a big nirvana fan and have read extensively on cobain's life. this isn't an entertainment movie, but a meditation on someone's deep emotional crisis. if you're into that sort of thing, rent this, you won't be disappointed.

holiday meltdown report: parking lot guzzling

black friday - the day i stay away from the malls. too much hyperactive shopping. instead i returned a DVD to my local rental store, situated in an L-shaped stripmall that includes a chinese restaurant, cardshop, radioshack, staples, dunkin donuts, and a liquor store. this place isn't in the better part of town. its situated in the poorer, more ethnically mixed section. i don't care, the prices in this stripmall are cheap.

so i was sorta curious to see a man dressed in a suit and wool coat sitting in his silver ragtop saab there. i passed him while walking from my car to the west coast video. he looked totally out of place sitting there, reading the NYT.

after returning my DVD, i got a cup of coffee at D&D, and walked back to my car, approaching the saab from behind. and then it made sense. the guy was sipping from a bottle hidden in a paper bag. he took a swig and hid it again as soon as he noticed me approaching his car. aha! i thought--you're hiding here in this shithole stripmail drinking your cheap liquor before going to some family related thing like shopping or who knows--its a holiday meltdown moment!

the holidays bring out the best people have to offer don't they? NOT!

holiday meltdown begins

first, i think turkeys are cool. they're the oddest looking things, but beautiful. here's some turkey links:

wikiturkey
turkeyfacts
turkeyhistory [scroll down for article]
turkeyjokes

this post is dedicated to all those who for whatever reason, don't like the holidays. not because the holidays themselves are awful, but because of the plastic meaning and artificial emotional filler shoved down our throats by our western culture. this false brevity amplifies bad memories, strains families, and causes untold bouts of anxiety and depression.

if you're relating to this, then know you're not alone. our society shuts off during times like this, and those who don't play along with the plastic joy, well, sometimes its hard on these days.

i've done the family thing, guest of significant others sibling thing, the family with guest thing, the married with inlaws as guest thing, guest of the inlaws thing, child of a single parent as guest of her friends thing, sitting at the kids table thing, divorced friends getting together thing, serving dinner to the homeless thing, attending the church's meal thing, not celebrating, celebrating, going to the movies…
i've done the holidays as many ways as i can and this year i'm burnt out. i just don't care its a fucking holiday.

part of this i think comes from the forced nature of this time of year. its embedded deep in our culture on religious, economic, political, mythic, and pop culture levels and cuts across most of the other blather usually holding court. there's no escape. even google has a turkey in their logo today.

don't misunderstand, i think the ideas of thanksgiving, christmas, hanuka, and kwanza are terrific. today, a day of "thanksgiving" is really not about the turkey, or the family, or whatever, its about gratitude to God for what a person has been blessed with in their life.

its the iconic surface 'blessing' idea i don't like. God chooses to bestow his blessings in uncountable ways. some people get large loving families that get closer at the holidays, some people get material things like houses and financial security, some get good jobs where they're respected by their coworkers, and meaningful work. others are blessed, but not in that way. perhaps, thru no fault of their own they have a dysfunctional family, or no family at all, maybe they're poor, even though they have a job, but the office is dysfunctional, where psychopaths are rewarded for aggressive bullying behavior. but maybe those same people are blessed in other ways.

maybe they've been blessed with artistic talent, inner strength, resourcefulness, intelligence, and imagination, things intangible, but priceless. these are blessings too. possessing them is no guarantee of anything, but neither is a large family, material goods, or an important job--those things can be taken away in a heartbeat. blessings that reside inside a person cannot be stolen from them, or taken by greed. these intangible blessings, hidden from the world's view are those i think about and am grateful for on this holiday.

so if you're not perpetuating the mediocre standard today but instead counting your hidden blessings--i wish you a happy thanksgiving!

peace

i had a really nice weekend away. it was so peaceful i even 'napped' on saturday during the middle of the day. i usually never nap, i'm too high-strung. napping on saturday afternoon told me i was in the right place and had allowed myself to take in the peaceful atmosphere.

where was i? a jesuit retreat house about 45 min from my home. i went on a "silent" retreat meaning that the 60-100 people who attend take a vow of silence until lunch on sunday. we don't talk to each other. instead we either listen to some of the material presented to us by the retreat leader, or to that small voice inside us, or maybe to God. the goal of a silent retreat is to disconnect from the world for a little while, like a refreshing glass of iced tea or dip in the pool, to sort of wake up from the negativity and nastiness that surrounds us in the world.

silent retreats aren't for everyone, some people come to this one and discover they can't shut up for a weekend. so they find other retreats where there is no silent vow. i prefer the silence. in my everyday life i'm always "on" even when alone. by last friday i was ready to club someone over all the aggravation of the past few weeks. although today, monday, was back in the negative/nasty world, i'm still calm and at peace, since the retreat atmosphere sort of stays with me a few days. i wish i could keep this feeling in the trunk of my car so i can use it thru the year. unfortunately this world doesn't work that way. oh well.

for the non-elitist

a tough week. last night i went to the movies with a friend, a nice break. "Saw 2" was the feature--great movie! not just an empty headed horror film ala "Friday the 13th", the plot wasn't easy to figure out. forget about predicting what would happen next! i hate predictable horror films. Saw 2 kept me on the edge of my chair the entire time--and also had a twisted & satisfying ending. if you like intelligent horror films, i recommend Saw 2.

i'm off for a weekend away. alot to think about in many areas of my life. i hate how sometimes one thing really gets to me, and i end of thinking about it, without answers, until i'm sick of thinking. but i have something now that is kind of getting to me, a dilemma, in a sense and i hope by sunday i'll have an answer.

my dilemma includes the value of an education in american society, and the stratified social ladder created purposely by the elite. i won't be citing any empiracle data here--just how i feel. i mean, it is MY blog.

intelligence comes in many flavors, not just "IQ", there's relational, emotional, creative, artistic, intuitive...all kinds of intelligence. intelligence is a blend of genetics + environmental factors and isn't bounded by race, ethnicity, gender, age, economic circumstances, anything like that. that's what i believe. although developing a person's intelligence, to lets say an "ivy league" placement takes more than just braincells or cunning. it takes lots of money, stable parents and siblings [if you've got them], and many other factors. if you happen not to have the correct environmental factors going for you, despite a high intelligence, you're probably never going to see the campus of an ivy league school.

i live in the northeast US, where ivy league is a supposed "big deal", but i've read that in other parts of the country, its not considered with the same 'esteem' it gets here. if you don't know what ivy league is, go read about it on Wikipedia. but its big here--and can affect your future. the environmental factors, such as financial well-offness, family connections, stable home environment, are always downplayed here--as if a non ivy league education mean's you're dumb. no kidding.

i'm certainly not dumb, but not ivy league branded either. not that i couldn't have been based on my intelligence. i'm intelligent enough, but all those other factors just mentioned, well, i didn't have any of them going for me. at one point i was so depressed in HS i didn't even want to go to University at all and had no opportunities either, so i thought i'd just end up at a nail salon or post office or something. that's not to say that non-college educated people are dumb--there aren't at all, but they too suffer from our society's perception of intelligence and intellect 'branding'.

my father, who wasn't college-educated, or rich, or still married to my mother, was the force behind my going to college at all, at of course the local 3rd tier state college since that's all we could afford. i went part time for a very very long time to achieve the degrees i have now, including my masters just last year. all those years i worked full time, got married, then divorced, lived in various situations, etc, i still attended school. i did my art projects, readings, studying, etc at school, in the library, at home, at work, in my car, at the park, at youth groups, anywhere i could find the time. people used to laugh when i'd bring my textbooks to read during after church coffee get togethers, but since school was such a long haul for me, i didn't have a choice because dropping out of the real world, like full-time students can do, wasn't an option for me.

although it severely limited me in many ways, my long term tenure at university has been a great education all in and of itself. i've watched as the university administrations changed, policies changed, students changed, the way courses were taught and their technologies changed, how those changes affected where i got my info, how i studied, how i perceived my environment, etc. like a macro-view. i've now been using this store of experience to my benefit and am grateful, but at the same time i've been challenged.

stressful sunday

ever look forward to a nice weekend after a shitty week at work and have it turn into a circus? if "yes" then you can relate with me.

saturday was great. very productive day. i volunteered at a craftfair for a charity fundraiser. we earned almost $900 selling snaks to craftfair browsers that will go to some good charities. then i had a productive "working" dinner w/a friend that turned into a great brainstorming session for some things i have in the works. i also got my car washed and cleaned [it was filthy], and did some food shopping too. got in and got to bed early. great day.

sunday i woke up in a positive mood--thinking saturday's good vibes would spill over in to sunday. instead i guess i paid for saturday with sunday's murky, argumentative, aggravating, and annoying events.

a sucky, shitty sunday. wasting time in petty arguments, miscommunications, and with hearts that need to develop more kindness.

now doesn't that make you feel better?

ocean pulls me close, and whispers in my ear
the destiny I've chose, all becoming clear
the currents have their say, the time is drawing near
washes me away, makes me disappear

I descend from grace, in arms of undertow
I will take my place, in the great below

I can still feel you, even so far away

i loved NIN's concert last night at MSG! a great show! Mr. Reznor is such an intense person--that whole Taurus/Scorpio thing i guess. the show's themes included both sign's symbols. Taurus was representin' with lines like "empire of dirt", "bite the hand that feeds" [taurus 'rules' the mouth, throat, and jaw], and videos of nature--fields of wheat, grazing cows, a dairycow plaque in the supermarket yogurt section. Scorpio came in with lyrics like "i'd rather die than give you control", the nature video scened depicting baboons trapping and eating a swan, parasitic worms, and the rotting bodies on the Iraqi battefield. both parts of the Taurus/Scorpio polarity were well represented here, over a background of this pair's incredibly intense energies.

the "teeth" on his stageset--well, they were sorta abstract teeth, lined up in two rows, but they were pixelated and uneven. they reminded me of the building shards that stuck up in the 9-11 rubble photos. mixed meanings, mixed symbolism, it was excellent.

vivid colored lights were used to emphasize the intense emotionality of his songs. turquois blues, brilliant purples and yellows, flaming reds and orange. each song different. i don't have a set list, but NIN played thru the entire catalog, including the wretched, head like a hole, closer, march of the pigs, hand that feeds, terrible lie, and only. hurt and you know what you are? were really great. the music's force made everyone feel like one -- great show!

speaking of intense, the only video is beautifully done. the whole thing takes place on a desk with a cup of coffee, an apple powerbook, itunes, sliding bearings, and that little nail-press chotchkie everyone got for xmas. reznor sings thru the nails, a nice touch.



i'm becoming less defined as days go by
fading away and well you might say i'm losing focus
kind of drifting to the abstract in terms of how i see myself
sometimes i think i can see right through myself

less concerned about fitting into the world
you're world that is
'cause it doesn't really matter anymore
none of this…really matters anymore

1981

Autour de moi - Je ne vois pas
Qui sont les anges - Surement pas moi - Encore une fois
Je suis cassée - Encore une fois - Je n'y crois pas

[All around me - I could not see
Who are the angels - Surely not me - Once more again
I am broken - Once more again - I don't believe it]


I've been so high, I've been so down
Up to the skies, Down to the ground

There is a light, Above my head
Into your eyes, My face remains


yesterday my friend showed me the new madonna video for "hung up". the video wasn't what i'd expected for this dance song. i probably need to view it a few more times to catch the details.

one thing that struck me is the time period madonna framed the video in. although i'm not as old as her, i'm not young either. i've lived thru a few decades--experiencing their fashions, cultures, and moods. so when i saw the composition of the hung up video, i noticed the retro-period details were reproduced flawlessly.



i'm guessing madonna's video portrays the year 1981. although some elements may hint at the late 70's, the boombox, breakdancing, and video arcade scene make me say 1981. there where no video arcades before 1981. 81-88 was the height of the video arcade era. pacman, defender, centipede, digdug, frogger, space invaders, asteriods--all the classic games arrived during that time. nintendo and atari home systems were really expensive, personal PCs capable of videogaming didn't exist, so videogame playing took place in arcades that also became places to socialize, and many included loud music piped in overhead. the music ranged from arena rock to disco and dance. except for sugarhill's song there was no rap or hip hop. in 1981 the town i grew up in had 3 arcades, with other videogames available at local diners and laundrymats. videogames were like the ipods of the early 1980s.



madonna's hairstyle is purely "70s leftover". straight and flat with a 'swooshy' curling iron flip on the long front bangs. although that style began in the late 70s, plenty of curling irons broke thru 1982 trying to get the swoosh-flip just right. then came the "big hair" of 1983+, made popular by trashy Jersey girls everywhere. that period also signified the rise of the popular mens style, the "mullet", usually worn with acid washed jeans or parachute pants. during this time the Gap sold Levis jeans, not classically styled oxfords and khakis. the "Gap" name was slang for "generation gap" which was a hot topic of conversation in the early 1970s when the "Gap" stores were founded by hippie-leftoveratures. no, i'm not old enough to have shopped in that version of the Gap. i just remember their tv commercials.



the boombox or "ghetto blaster" in the video is also pure early 1980s. Radios started getting big in the late 70s, but the height of oversized things like that in the video was early 80s--during the genesis of rap and hip hop. Ghettomeisters everywhere would congregate on streetcorners, pumping out dance music for breakdancing competitions. 1981 was right before the onset of the CD-ROM, which made boomboxes and cassette tapes obsolete.

madonna's dance outfit is the typical Jane Fonda workoutwear, as well as Saturday Night Fever [1977], Flashdance [1982], and Fame [1984] wannabees. 1980s was the polishing of the 70's disco dance era into movies and TV shows. the colorful tights and button-shirt overlay is right out of a Danskin dance apparell catalog circa 1981. The dance hall madonna dances in throughout the video is a reminder of Saturday Night Fever and Stayin' Alive movie scenes that took place in dance studios. other dancers of that era included Barishnokov and Gregory Heinz, who i think starred in some aweful 80s films together.



some of the dancing in the video is extaordinary--the flexibility and acrobatics some of the dancers display is incredible. i can't even come close to the pretzel twists that go on during the video. i can't even stand up straight most days.

i would love to know why madonna chose to imitate the early 1980s for this video. the song doesn't sound like its from that era, nor do the lyrics imply anything "1980ish". i do know madonna came to NYC in the very late 70s and studied dance with Alvin Aily, a famous dance instructor of that time. maybe she wanted to incorporate that mood into her new CD somehow. by the way, i think madonna's in better shape now than during the early 80s. she seems centered and more sure of herself.



i was able to catch her MTV special this weekend too. unlike other performers from the 1980s, madonna has grown with the times. she lives her spirituality and uses it to do positive things that not only benefit her, but also those who tour with her, and her fans. during the special she keeps mentioning God as "the light"--moving towards the light, etc. as a metaphor for spiritual journey. trying to share that the world--to spread positive, not negative energy. sure, she had her moments in the 90s when the spirituality was nowhere to be found, but it seems that by exploring darker things she found the "light". she's also put up with lots of idiotic criticism, even from Elton John, of all people, and people seem to think its ok to bash her, which i don't think is fair. maybe its because she's a successful woman. but you've got to give her credit for her constant innovative reinvention of herself, which has gotten her pretty far and led her to the more mature, centered, and spiritual space she's at now. i give her alot of credit and admire her tenacity and ability to ignore idiots.

she's also got my respect for telling Courtney Love to fuck off. madonna could smell bullshit like that miles away. not afraid to be herself, try new things, and make mistakes as well as successful endeavors. it takes alot to succeed, but more to fail, recover, and try again.

time goes by

no this post isn't about madonna or her new song "hung up", that'll be a post later. but i agree wiht her that time goes by, but much faster than she implies. time goes by too quickly and i still can't get anything done! i feel so scattered lately but also adventurous. uranus in pisces is nudging me to just try anything new. experimentation can go two ways--you like the new thing and adopt it, throwing away the old thing; or find the new thing, when compared to the old one, can't compete, so you go back to the old thing with some appreciation for what you have. either way its fun.

on the astro chart this week's lineup is quite watery. jupiter entered scorpio last week for a year's stay, sun's in scorpio also, and now the moon is too. they all trine the uranus in pisces thing, so there's like a water grand trine now in the heavens. emotions flow like water--happy, sad, peppy, mad--everyone's feelings are on their sleeve. mars is in taurus, which opposes all the scorpio stuff, although it sextiles the uranus pisces thing. this opposition focuses on controlling behaviors, power struggles, hidden agendas, enemies, dark or underhanded dealings. death, regeneration, values, possessions, luxury [or lack of it], and resources.

what better way to enjoy all the scorpio, trine, and scorpio-taurus opposition energies than to attend a Nine Inch Nails concert? i'd mentioned before that Trent Reznor, a Taurus, expresses himself thru music and style that could only be described as full Scorpio energy. The blending of Reznor's taurean earthiness with his dark feelings makes his music intense. with all the current aspects this show should be great. i can't wait to go.

Astrological Allegory

i thought this was a nice concise allegory of the 12 zodiac signs describing each one's spiritual essence.

this was original posted on this website.

From Martin Schulman: "The Moon's Nodes and Reincarnation" (p. 124-127)

And it was morning as God stood before his twelve children and into each of them planted the seed of human life. One by one each child stepped forward to receive his appointed gift.

To you Aries I give my seed first that you might have the honor of planting it. That for every seed you plant one million more will multiply in your hand. You will not have time to see the seed grow for everything you plant creates more that must be planted. You will be the first to penetrate the soil of men's minds with My Idea. But it is not your job to nourish the Idea nor to question it. Your life is action and the only action I ascribe to you is to begin making men aware of My Creation. For your good work I give you the virtue of Self Esteem.

To you Taurus I give the power to build the seed into substance. Your job is a great one requiring patience for you must finish all that has been started or the seeds will be wasted to the wind. You are not to question nor change your mind in the middle nor to depend on others for what I ask you to do. For this I give you the gift of Strength. Use it wisely.

To you Gemini I give the questions without answers so that you may bring to all an understanding of what man sees around him. You will never know why men speak or listen, but in your quest for the answer you will find my gift of Knowledge.

To you Cancer I ascribe the task of teaching men about emotion. My Idea is for you to cause them laughter and tears so that all they see and think develops fullness from inside. For this I give you the gift of Family, that your fullness may multiply.

To you Leo I give the job of displaying My Creation in all its brilliance to the world. But you must be careful of pride and always remember that it is My Creation, not yours. For if you forget this men will scorn you. There is much joy in the job I give to you if you but do it well. for this you are to have the gift of Honor.

To you Virgo I ask for an examination of all man has done with My Creation. You are to scrutinize his ways sharply and remind him of his errors so that through you My Creation may be perfected. For doing this I give you the gift of Purity of Thought.

To you Libra I give the mission of service, that man may be mindful of his duties to others. That he may learn cooperation as well as the ability to reflect the other side of his actions. I will put you everywhere there is discord, and for your efforts I will give you the gift of Love.

To you Scorpio I give a very difficult task. You will have the ability to know the minds of men, but I do not permit you to speak about what you learn. Many times you will be pained by what you see, and in your pain you will turn away from Me and forget that it is not I but the perversion of My Idea that is causing your pain. You will see so much of man that you will come to know him as animal and wrestle so much with his animal instincts in yourself that you will lose your way; but when you finally come back to Me, Scorpio, I have for you the supreme gift of Purpose.

Sagittarius, I ask you to make men laugh for amidst their misunderstanding of My Idea they become bitter. Through laughter you are to give man hope, and through hope turn his eyes back to Me. You will touch many lives if but only for a moment, and you will know the restlessness in every life you touch. To you Sagittarius I give the gift of Infinite Abundance, that you may spread wide enough to reach into every corner of darkness and bring it light.

Of you Capricorn, I ask the toil of your brow, that you might teach men to work. Your task is not an easy one for you will feel all of man's labors on your shoulders; but for the yoke of your burdens I put the responsibility of man in your hands.

To you Aquarius I give the concept of future that man might see other possibilities. You will have the pain of loneliness for I do not allow you to personalize My Love. but for turning man's eyes to new possibilities I give you the gift of Freedom, that in your liberty you may continue to serve mankind whenever he needs you.

To you Pisces I give the most difficult task of all. I ask you to collect all of man's sorrow and return it to me. Your tears are to be ultimately My tears. The sorrow you will absorb is the effect of man's misunderstanding My Idea, but you are to give him compassion that he may try again. For this the most difficult task of all I give the greatest gift of all. You will be the only one of My twelve children to understand Me. But this gift of understanding is for you, Pisces, for when you try to spread it to man he will not listen.

Then God said, "You each have a part of My Idea. You must not mistake that part for all of My Idea, nor may you desire to trade parts with each other for each of you is perfect, but you will not know that until all twelve of you are ONE. For then the whole of My Idea will be revealed to each of you."

And the children left, each determined to do his job best that he might receive his gift. But none fully understood his task or his gift, and when they returned, puzzled, God said " you each believe that the other gifts are better. Therefore I will allow you to trade." And for the moment each child was elated as he considered all the possibilities of his new mission.

But God smiled as he said " You will return to Me many times asking to be relieved of your mission, and each time I will grant you your wish. You will go through countless incarnations before you complete the original mission I have prescribed for you. I give you countless time in which to do it, but only when it is done can you be with Me."

Martin Schulman: "The Moon's Nodes and Reincarnation" (p. 124-127)

Astrological Humor

After sex
Aries: "Okay, let's do it again!"
Taurus: "I'm hungry--pass the pizza."
Gemini: "Have you seen the remote?"
Cancer: "When are we getting married?"
Leo: "Wasn't I fantastic?"
Virgo: "I need to wash the sheets."
Libra: "I liked it if you liked it."
Scorpio: "Perhaps I should untie you."
Sagittarius: "Don't call me--I'll call you."
Capricorn: "Do you have a business card?"
Aquarius: "Now let's try it with our clothes off!"
Pisces: "What did you say your name was again?"

How many to change a light bulb?
ARIES: Just one. Wanna make something of it?
TAURUS: Well, I prefer natural light if at all possible. Are you absolutely positive that lightbulb is burned out? I hate to throw it away if it still might be useful.
GEMINI: Probably one is best, because if there are more than one, they'll get so wrapped up in talking to each other that they'll forget all about the lightbulb.
CANCER: Only one, but three therapists will be needed to help with the grieving process. OR: Only one, as long as his mommy holds his hand.
LEO: Leos do not change their own lightbulbs. They find someone else to do it for them.
VIRGO: 1.11111119873, give or take .00000000000013%.
LIBRA: Well, I could do it, unless of course you'd prefer to do it, but you look sort of busy right now. What do you want to do?
SCORPIO: One, from across the room, if they've learned their teleporting lessons well enough.
OR, thanks to one of our website visitors: None, because Scorpios aren't afraid of the dark.
SAGITTARIUS: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got the rest of our lives ahead of us and you're worrying about a stupid light bulb?
CAPRICORN: I don't have time for these foolish jokes.
AQUARIUS: Well, you see, energy is really matter and matter is really energy and light is a form of energy but the light bulb is matter, and--
PISCES: What light bulb?

and one more thing

the other thing i guess is that i just don't feel very organized right now. between interruptions, other people's stuff, daily plans getting rearranged everyday, and unexpected events, i've just not been very good lately at starting, continuing, and finishing anything. i usually am, but right now i feel very distracted by both my mind and environment. don't know when this will pass.

discontinuities

i've been busy. not just busy with stuff, but busy in my mind. lots of thinking the past 3 wks. what am i thinking about? well, everything really. i'm thinking of starting another blog aimed more towards an audience for certain interests i have, including anthropology, culture, marketing, branding, new media visuals and content providing, and blahblahblah. i'm not doing it just yet, but in the meantime i've found some quite interesting blogs with information on a similar page. here's some links:

this blog sits at the intersection of anthropology and economics
it's funny, but when i graduated with my anthro masters last year someone asked me what i'd learned for all my efforts. my response was "its all about the money" meaning that most cultural studies trace back to the monetary initiatives of the culture being studied, no matter what culture that happens to be. want to know about a culture? study their concept of money, and where it falls within their value system. its also kinda funny that i'd suggested to my advisor that it might be good if i took a beginner's economic course--and being the Boomer, irrelevant, tenured [completely out of touch] guy that he is, he ignored me. instead he made me take a math theory course that was a total waste. this blog is by some anthropologist who, like me, sees modern culture thru its commerce. a hybrid of anthropology and marketing. wordy [most anthros are], but interesting. his site has interesting links, some of which are below.

AdRants
nice social commentary like blog about ad culture.

decent marketing
the title says it all.

read between the Ps
indian blogger and his country's marketing. good intro to 21st century global economies.

the hidden persuader
unique marketing of interest.

marketing vox
blog concerning the new online marketing. today's linked to an article about how regular TV execs are sweating the new video iPod. if people can buy the shows [sans commercials], where will advertiser's "presence" go? hmmm...

lyrics for a weekday september evening

*Blandest* -Nirvana

You're my favorite
Of my saviours
You're my favorite
Oh no

Yes you're my favorite
Of my favors
You're my razor
Oh no

Hey!
And the situation wasn't quite
As intense as I thought
I need you around
To remind me what not to become
And the situation wasn't quite
As intense as I thought
I need you around
To remind me when not to be calm
Calm, calm, calm

saturn in leo and the "fixed" signs

this weekend i went to see the movie "Lord of War" starring Nicolas Cage. serious movie, very intelligent. i highly recommend it.

when the movie began the opening production company credits included saturn pictures which i guess helped produce this film.

i'd never seen this production company before. i guess its a sign of the times, now that saturn is in leo for 2 yrs. leo rules all sorts of thespian endeavors, actors of stage, tv, and screen are all covered until leo's rulership. although california is a virgo, hollywood, according to most astrologers, is definitely all leo, much to virgo california's chagrin.

the acting ability of those endowed with leo energy is legendary. people with lots of leo energy are dramatic in their communication style, and like movie stars, expect the floodlights always to be pointed at them, no matter what environment--family, career, friends, etc.

leo is all about chisling the individual out from the crowd. focusing on EGO, leo energy enhances our experiences with developing our own self-love, self-esteem, and selfishness. it is a necessary energy that everyone experiences at some time during their teens--you feel invincible, like your shit don't stink, that you're just better than everyone else, and deserve the "lion's share" of compliments, attention, and stroking from others. you "deserve" more, not because you've earned it, but because you really believe you're just better.

this feeling of entitlement is sometimes pronounced in actors and musicians. madonna is a good example of sun in leo energy. her belief in herself gave her the courage to focus on stardom, seeing only her good parts, she was able to overcome rampant criticism of her art to become an iconic pop music star. however, like all leos, madonna's sometimes overinflated ego also convinced her that she was academy-award material, as she went on to star in many films that were completely trashed by critics. still, leo energy is necessary, just like the energies of all 12 signs--used wisely and in moderation, it can get you far. pushed too far and foolishness or disaster can manifest.

like the teenager it represents, leo energy likes to have FUN! anything involving entertainment that results in fun is leo territory. fun, good times, 'dancing in the streets' parties--all leo. david lee roth, another famous sun in leo singer embodies this sort of "party" attitude--roth doesn't sing songs that make you want to cry--with him, its all about having a good time.

and that's why the saturn in leo transit is interesting. saturn is all about squashing fun. duty, drudgery, routine--saturn is conservative, old school. saturn is father time, and the restrictions that the dimension of time places on people, their relationships, and environment. saturn is a wet blanket for sure.

but saturn isn't just about misery, per say, its about learning the lessons necessary for improvement and survival. saturn is the professor you hated in high school or college--the one who gave extra homework, too many exams, never smiled, and wore the same gray suit everyday for the whole semester. you hated him, but admit years later that you learned more from that class than all the others combined--the challenges provided ended up benefitting you whether you wanted it or not. saturn places the steel bar in backbones, provides the naked truth in all its ugliness.

when saturn and leo combine, and helped along by another aspect, like uranus in pisces, you get the week of CNN's Katrina coverage we just had--all the misery, suffering, and ugliness [saturn] broadcast in dramatic fashion [leo] for all the world to see, courtesy of a failure of technology [uranus] and erosion of boundaries which caused the intense flooding [pisces]. the powerful images on CNN, FOX, MSNBC, etc caused dramatic reaction from the public.

and now where are we? we're learning heavy lessons about our security, disaster response, social inequities, racism--and if we really do learn these lessons, we'll all be better off for it in the end.

another aspect of leo is that it's a 'fixed' sign. one of 4 in the zodiac. taurus, scorpio, and aquarius along with leo make up the 'fixed organizer' square. fixed-organization is one of three modalities in the zodiac, the other two being cardinal-leaders and mutable-communicators. modality is the form an energy takes--does it take charge like a cardinal aries? disseminate ideas like a mutable pisces? or consistently perservere like a taurus? each of the fixed signs applies the energy differently--taurus for mundane things, scorpio for fermenting emotions and desires, aquarius for consistently pushing the future, and leo for bold consistent inspiration.

fixed energy is also referred to as "coiled" energy. like a loaded spring, fixed energy remains dormant most of the time. when called upon, its concentrated energy is released. the energy is not sustainable for long periods, and the spring must be reloaded to act again. fixed energy spends alot of its time just "being" itself. fixed energy is potent, but slow. it needs "buildup time" and never acts or reacts impulsively. every quality has two sides. those with fixed energy in their charts can be perservering--seeing things thru that others give up on. but this same quality can also become incredible stubbornness and avoidance of change. people with fixed energy can become stuck in a rut of their making. it may be a comfortable rut, but it stops the person from changing themselves for the better.

fixed energy is also related to a person's will. taurus, scorpio, leo and aquarius energy all contains tremendous will, and "won't" power. again, some things need tremendous will [or won't] power to be accomplished, but a tremendous will [or won't] power can also prevent these natives from doing things that are actually good for them. no one can make these sorts do anything they don't want to do. they cannot be coerced, charmed, pushed, if they do take action, it has to be because they will it to be so.

saturn causes actions to take place. it is an 'irrisistable force' sort of, and pushes and pushes or corners or pulls whatever it is attached to thru a series of uncomfortable circumstances all in the name of learning lessons and producing necessary changes.

the fixed sign dilemma is knowing when to "hold 'em" and when to "fold 'em". when to become flexible and invite change [as scary as it can be], and when to hold fast and dig heels in to wait it out. fixed types who refuse to acknowledge this and use it to their betterment are in for some poisonous karma. fixed sign experiences can produce the worst and most long lasting bad karma, of all the modalities and signs. so if you have much energy in one of the four [taurus, scorpio, leo, aquarius] you should choose to use your stubborn streak wisely.

although leo is the main focus of saturn's transit, the other three fixed signs will be called to take part as well. all four fixed signs will be challenged, pushed, pulled along for the next 2 yrs, and with all that fixed energy, saturn certainly has its work cut out for it. watch for many leo-ish dramatic stuff to play out in the public spector over the next two years.

i wonder what film that saturn production company will produce next.

are we not men?

itunes music store is great. one of the best things is that you can find obscure stuff you thought you'd never hear again. recently while browsing i ran across itune's partial DEVO catalog. yes, DEVO. one of my favorite bands. most only know them for their one "hit" -- 'Whip It' --which came late in their career. DEVO wrote plenty of other great songs, along with alot of crap. once you sift thru the silly crap [like Speed Racer], listeners discover that DEVO was sarcastic, ironic, and very cerebral, in an mutant sort of way. the perfect answer to Reaganomics and the Moral Majority [remember them?]. judging by the daily press, its like 1980-88 all over again. God help us.

in tribute to the current stifling moronic conservative political atmosphere, here are some of my favorite DEVO lyrics ~

JOCKO HOMO
They tell us that
We lost our tails
Evolving up
From little snails
I say it’s all
Just wind in sails
Are we not men?
We are DEVO!
We’re pinheads now
We are not whole
We’re pinheads all
Jocko homo
Are we not men?
D-E-V-O
Monkey men all
In business suit
Teachers and critics
All dance the poot
Are we not men?
We are devo!
Are we not men?
D-E-V-O
God made man
But he used the monkey to do it
Apes in the plan
We’re all here to prove it
I can walk like an ape
Talk like an ape
I can do what a monkey can do
God made man
But a monkey supplied the glue
We must repeat
O.k. let’s go!

FREEDOM OF CHOICE
a victim of collision on the open sea
nobody ever said that life was free
sank, swam, go down with the ship
but use your freedom of choice
i'll say it again in the land of the free
use your freedom of choice
your freedom of choice
in ancient rome there was a poem
about a dog who found two bones
he picked at one
he licked the other
he went in circles
he dropped dead
freedom of choice
is what you got
freedom of choice!
then if you got it you don't want it
seems to be the rule of thumb
don't be tricked by what you see
you got two ways to go
i'll say it again in the land of the free
use your freedom of choice
freedom of choice
freedom of choice
is what you got
freedom of choice!
in ancient rome
there was a poem
about a dog
who found two bones
he picked at one
he licked the other
he went in circles
he dropped dead
freedom of choice
is what you got
freedom from choice
is what you want
(repeat)

BEAUTIFUL WORLD
it's a beautiful world we live in
a sweet romantic place
beautiful people everywhere
the way they show they care
makes me want to say
it's a beautiful world
for you
it's a wonderful time to be here
it's nice to be alive
wonderful people everywhere
the way they comb their hair
makes me want to say
it's a wonderful place
for you
hey
tell me what i say
boy 'n' girl with the new clothes on
you can shake it to me all night long
hey hey
it's not for me


LOVE WITHOUT ANGER
love without anger
he picked up the phone and took the call
a long distance voice just started to bawl
i don't care if you feel small
love without anger isn't love at all
why can't you have your cake and eat it too
why believe in things that make it tough on you
why scream and cry when you know it's through
why fall in love when there's better things to do
barbie and ken in a great big fight
seems ken forgot to make it home one night
you know what you are seeing simply can't be right
looks like love's bark is worse than its bite
he was young and in love
so he just couldn't see
and it compelled him to ask
are you kidding me?
you must be kidding me!
love without teardrops isn't the same
he asked to be counted out of her game
she thought it him who was so insane
love is what it does by any other name

ENOUGH SAID
none of you would help me when i baked by bread
now all of you would help me eat it
i can see that you are very well fed
this indicates that you don't need it
enough said
stop and let me tell you what tomorrow holds for you
stop and let me tell you 'bout a plan i have for you
take all the leaders from around the world
put them together in a great big ring
televise it as the lowest show on earth
and let them fight like hell to see who's king
gather up the pieces when the fight is done
then you'll find out living really can be fun
you wanted a world you could figure out
but something happened while you were asleep
you wanted a good life you could brag about
too bad they took the parts you wanted to keep

DEVO HAS FEELINGS TOO
young hunks
cyberpunks
and sweet things
trying hard to change your luck
baby thugs
bad spuds
and mean things
living for today or maybe even yesterday
look around
shakey ground
do the right thing
in this world you're just a guest
do it now
time's run out for the pig thing
living for today stealing from tomorrow
law and order puppets remote-controlled by greed
and tv preacher robots won't give you what you need
use your head
sidestep the traps
snake through the chaos with a smooth noodle map
besides the king's been dead
they blew off his head in '63
big bucks
energy sucks
and dumb things
make it hard to live and breathe
add it up
no matter what
there's one thing
living for today there's maybe no tomorrow
subhuman bloodless leaders fed on lies and fear
and tv anchor news teams trim all we see and hear
use your head
sidestep the traps
snake through the chaos with a smooth noodle map
besides god isn't dead
he's in your head
right where he ought to be

living

Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff announced Friday that Michael Brown director of FEMA, is being taken off the hurrican katrina disaster. wow such decisive action. only a few months too late.

9/11 will be here again this sunday, and now we have a new disaster to sink into national depression over. but this time its different since we only have ourselves to blame. no infidels, darth vaders, or nationalistic ratfink terrorists to point the finger at, for "W" to get his white hat out of the closet for...no we as a nation are to blame for this one.

and there's no worse criticism than self criticism.

of course if you were stupid enough to re-elect "W" then you should be feeling worse than those of us who already knew what all those reporters in new orleans were saying last week: The Emperor Has No Clothes.

astonishing as it may be, our president is the same guy who was on the guard for 9/11/2001, the biggest terror attack on US soil EVER. now here it is 4 yrs later, and who does he have manning FEMA and Homeland Security? two apprentice lawyers with absolutely NO disaster recovery experience. brilliant leadership on "W"s part. really.

although this was a natural disaster, what if it was something more sinister, like a chemical or radiation attack from taliban extremists? purposeful destruction is just as effective as Mother Nature. what would those two inexperienced clowns have done? as it is now new orleans resembles the wreckage from a war, and the innocent victims suffered terribly. sort of like…hmmm…iraq!



it took a talented rap artist to say what everyone had been thinking all week, live on national tv.

"I hate the way they portray us in the media. If you see a black family, it says they're looting. See a white family, it says they're looking for food."

"…and they've given them permission to go down and shoot us."

"America is set up to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off as slow as possible."
and
"George Bush doesn't care about black people."

Yup. the naked truth.

well, actually "W" did care about black people when he was governor of Texas, he put them to death in record numbers, even when there were questions of innocence, using capital punishment. but other than that, i agree with west. "W" and all his pals couldn't give a shit about anyone, including black people, but themselves.

to make things more Orwellian, NBC censoredthe clip before its west coast broadcast. but kanye west prevailed, thanks to the web. people can now see that this administration's talk of "national security" is a big fucking lie. its all about the money. last week, bush, cheney, and all their greedy friends cleaned up at the pump. maybe the parasites running washington aren't dumb or incompetent, just fucking greedy.

last week was a cosmic home run of sorts, since it:

1. uncovered the very ugly reality of the very large, very poor american population, exposed for all the world to see.
2. reminded us that racism is alive and well in the USA, and it festers in the highest offices of government.
3. reiterated this stark fact about the current corrupt administration: The Emperor Has No Clothes.

quite a week.

love one another

a quote from an MSNBC article on current conditions in New Orleans:

"An old man lay dead on a chaise longue as hungry babies wailed around him. Around the corner, an elderly woman lay dead in her wheelchair, covered with a blanket. Another body lay beside her wrapped in a sheet.

“I don’t treat my dog like that,” 47-year-old Daniel Edwards said as he pointed at the woman in the wheelchair. “I buried my dog.” He added: “You can do everything for other countries, but you can’t do nothing for your own people. You can go overseas with the military, but you can’t get them down here.”

The street outside the center, above the floodwaters, smelled of urine and feces and was choked with dirty diapers, old bottles and garbage."

where is the help? we're the greatest country in the world, we travel the globe helping other country's disasters, but why are we so slow to aid the desperate and suffering citizens of New Orleans?

president george w. bush says he's a Christian. well Jesus Christ himself said that his followers can be identified by the following:

"They will know you by your love for one another."

i haven't yet found a way to rectify this with GWB's assertion that he is a Christian. GWB's actions speak louder than his hollow words. its been 5 days since hurricane katrina laid waste to the gulf states. CNN and other news stations tell the tale in images of the horrible suffering and misery taking place. it is heartbreaking. and unbelievable that there is no national guard, no navy, no action taking place fast enough to save the desperate refugees filling up the TV screen.

i live near NYC and 9/11 was an up-close, very personal tragedy for me. i smelled the acrid smoke filled with the stench of the dead burnt victims on that horrible day. a tragedy now eclipsed by the natural disaster unfolding in the south. yet the day after 9/11, the government mobilized and order was restored quickly. national guards at every corner and train station. police everywhere.

but then again, most of 9/11's victims where white middle/upperclass. this new horror's victims are mostly minorities and the poor. is GWB dragging his feet, as well as the rest of the federal government, because of that fact? personally i think it has something to do with the paucity of immediate response, the lack of instant action to help the suffering victims of katrina.

i'm not the only one to think so. to me, this is enormously disturbing.

i don't know what idiotic, myopic Christianity GWB and his greedy oil-baron pals believe in. but its not the real deal. Jesus didn't differentiate one from another. He loved all the same, and told us to do as He did. He said "love one another."

Christian love is giving to others those things that you would want them to give you if you were in their situation -- and it's doing so even if they can't pay you back. In fact, it's doing so especially if they can't pay you back! Christian love is respect for others. It's mercy. It's charity.

i encourage you to show your love, compassion, and mercy for the suffering refugees of this great national tragedy. take 2 minutes right now and go donate -- $10, $20, $100 ~ whatever you can afford. but do it now. i did. then follow it up with a prayer to God that he help the refugees, and that God opens the barbed-wire, greedy hearts of the tyrants who are currently holding this greate nation hostage to their selfish and destructive agenda.

late august blehs

ah…the Late August Blehs. hot, humid, thunderstorms, traffic, dead skunk smells, sweat. i hate this time of year. its like summer's over ripe and ready to rot.

haven't posted pictures or much else lately 'cause i got the LABs. however, this past weekend i decided to treat myself nice for a change and spent the past few days doing just that.

i went to two movies over the weekend, Duece Bigalow: European Gigalow, and The 40 Year Old Virgin. both films are very funny. Bigelow's chuckles come from that low end humor area--lots of it here, but Schneider is great, and his character, at heart, is a sweetie. The Virgin movie was just as funny, but sans most toilet jokes. its not mean-spirited and the title character is not as nerdy as you'd think, his ideals on sex and love are surprisingly pure. this movie's ending is over the top, unexpected, and just fucking funny.

yesterday i left work early and met my friend in Chinatown NYC for dinner. had some trouble with the bus and subway--ended up getting off the backed up bus at the javits center instead of port authority, then found myself on a "V" train that was rerouted to the "C' train tracks and had a mini NYC subway odyssey trying to get to Canal Street.

we went to our favorite restaurant there, Hep Kee--its underground, but has the BEST food--makes the usual chinese take out look like shit. i had chinese broccoli in oyster sauce, she had singapore angelhair curried lo mein, and we split some mussels in black bean pepper sauce. delicious. then we got some bubble tea for dessert. i love the tapioca balls.

we walked around Chinatown and Tribeca then took the Path out. very nice evening, and a nice delayed ending to a restful and peaceful weekend [for once]. of course today things are back to the Late August Blehs, but at least i had a good weekend.

mystic, confessor, stigmatic

although i'm not much for saints, padre pio is an exception. i was skeptical of him until reading some of his letters. truly this guy was a holy man. for 50 years he suffered the five wounds of the crucifixion, known as "stigmata". he suffered physically every day, and he also suffered in his spiritual life as well. thru his writings it becomes clear that during his endurance of stigmata, he also experienced the time Christ spent on the cross, feeling separated from God—a feeling quite difficult to put into words.

in octobe 2001 i went with a church group to visit the padre pio shrine in pennsylvania, where there is a class #1 relic of the padre—one of the fingerless gloves he wore to cover the hole in his hand. as skeptical as i am, that day i had a quite mystical experience when i was allowed to touch this relic. something i can't really put into words. but it was powerful.

after this i decided to read some of what padre pio preached and was amazed—not only at his stigmata and suffering, but of the power of his words. i was amazed that despite his long suffering, he never waivered in his devotion to Jesus. his faith was never shaken no matter what happened.

many of the monks in his convent were jealous of him, and caused him constant problems of one sort or another. many of the monks thought that padre pio was unworthy of the stigmata, thinking that they instead should have it, since they thought they were 'holier'. they would get him into trouble, lie behind his back, have the director punish him for things he hadn't done. but in the end, pio never fought back, he accepted all the ill will his enemies gave him and prayed to God to forgive them. in other words, padre pio tried to live as Jesus asked us to, which is a very difficult thing to do.

i've been reading this book "Padre Pio's Words of Hope" Edited by Eileen Dunn Bertanzetti [(c) 1999 by Our Sunday Visitor Publishing, ISBN 0-87973-694-1]. its a collection of letters pio wrote back to people in answer to their questions. here is a quote:

Paradise

Luke 23:42-4: "Then he said, 'Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.' He replied, 'Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in Paradise.' "

But sometimes in my struggles I wonder if I'll ever get to paradise.

Padre Pio's assurance: "How many tears and groans I send up to heaven in order to be set free [from my struggles]. But no matter, I will never tire of praying to Jesus. It is true that my prayers deserve punishment rather than reward, for I have offended Jesus only too often by my innumerable sins; but in the end he will be moved by pity for me and with either take me out of the world and call me to himself, or else he will set me free."

"Again at night when I close my eyes, the veil is lifted and I see paradise open up before me; and gladdened by this vision, I sleep with a smile of sweet beatitude on my lips and perfectly tranquil countenance, waiting for the little companion [guardian angel] of my childhood to come to waken me, so that we may sing together the morning praises to the beloved of our hearts."

Lord, thank you for the promise of paradise for those who believe in you. If left to myself and my struggles, I would never reach heaven. But "for God all things are possible." Amen.

its a great book, each topic is only one page. topics range from "Burdens", "Love", "Courage" to "Cross", "Rejected by God", and "Sin". padre pio's words are like those of the middle age mystics, such as "The Imitation of Christ", shunning the feel-good pseudo-religions of today. his words address a variety of topics from small to very troubling, and always with love. its almost as he is writing letters to the reader.

obviously he's a catholic, but don't be turned off by a few letters about Mary etc., this book is filled with spiritual nourishment that any Christian can use. by reading this and other of pio's writings i am just amazed that such a holy man managed to be born in the horrible 20th century that just passed, that God would provide, even in these times, someone with the integrity, humility, and faith of padre pio. if you're spiritually inclined and searching for something different, look him up. you might be surprised.

the false republican job market

abcnews.com has online forums for readers. sometimes i participate, other times i just read. today i was reading a threat for a topic called "Where Are The USA Careers?". one post in particular, from someone named "gtbdave" summed it up perfectly:

Republicans like to blame Unions and Social programs for the dismal job market, but what correlates with the development of a dismal job market is globalization, rotten trade deals, and the Feds policies of raising interest rates when job growth develops plus the Feds policy of raising interest rates when GDP growth exceeds 3% or so. It is in the republican parties interest to have a labor surplus in order to manipulate the labor market to provide for a continuous supply of cheap labor, and to reduce any pressure for higher wages and salaries. They are in favor of flooding the labor market with immigrants, legal and illegal, to accomplish this. A local news item (OKC) suggested two areas for non-college grads, that was cooking school and auto mechanic, cooking school grads are likely working at MacDonalds and mechanic grads are likely at Walmart, changing oil. College grads still have the service fields for jobs the other 75%, who are not college grads, have slim pickings indeed. The only solution I see is that if you work for a wage or salary, make it an issue next time you vote and vote for a democrat.

thanks gtbdave! i couldn't have explained it better myself.

what a coincidence the last huge recession/shitty job market was 1990-1993, when GWBush's pinhead dad was in office. remember that recession? just as shitty as this one, but with more media coverage. so what's changed? —could it be that we hear less about the current crappy job situation because now ALL the media outlets are owned by huge conglomerates run by republican pals of this right-wing, narrowminded, power-hungry administration? hmmm...

and what about oil prices? do you feel pinched at the pump?....did you vote republican? if "Yes", then you shouldn't be surprised—W and Dick are both oil industry friends, with their interests and wallets lined up straight away with the greedy, self-absorbed oil industry. their making more money than ever!!! and chortling all the way to the bank about the stupid, braindead middle class morons who voted them into office. think about that the next time you're staring at your faded Bush/Cheney bumper sticker while filling up for $3 a gallon you fucking Republican moron.

if you didn't vote for Bush and Dick you probably get that dazed feeling as we all watch these maggots suck the very lifeblood from this great country to fulfill their destructive agendas, while waiving american flags over the victims of their selfishness. i just hope that some of the lugheads who fell for this administration's sucker punches will wise up before 2008. so if you're one of them and make less than 100K, please...be honest with yourself: do you really think things are getting better? has your quality of life improved? or has it worsened?

toenail saga, part 4

i've been applying the vicks every night for the past three weeks. up until last week the nail was still thick and discolored. then over this past weekend i noticed i could see my pink nailbed thru the infected nail, and the thick flaky stuff was gone and my nail's thickness was back to normal. just as the message boards had said, the vapor rub did the trick. i'm cured!

i've decided to keep up my efforts into September for good measure. no other toenails were affected, and i still have my healthy liver, and senses of taste and smell.

the moral of this little story is: those pharmaceutical consumer ads with the cute CGI thingies are misleading. before taking any medication, don't trust your MD will warn you--no, most of them don't care the least. instead, get online and research it yourself. you'll be much happier you did.

toenail saga, part 3

thru reading i discovered that beyond the home remedy ingredients, there were two traits needed to self cure the toe fungus: cleanliness and consistency. the toenail had to be washed 2X a day. all medicine or remedies also had to be applied 2Xs a day, every day. no missing a day because the fungus could spread to newly healthy parts of the toenail.

so i started out with OTC antifungal liquid, Rite Aid brand, toothbrush, and bandaids. i scrubbed the nail w/the toothbrush in the morning and night, painted on the antifungal liquid, and wrapped the toe in a bandaid. i did this for a month with almost no improvement. so i went back online to google more remedies and along the way did a search for lamasil side effects and was completely shocked at what i found. not only could the lamasil pills cause irreversible liver damage, even to a healthy liver, but it also removed the senses of taste and smell--and many times these senses wouldn't return when the lamisil pill was stopped. the liver damage thing was scary too--because sometimes it took 6 mths after the pill is stopped for the liver damage to really manifest, and then its too late. A few people have died from using lamasil tablets. that did it for me. no lamisil tablets for fear of the nasty irreversible side effects that the MDs don't tell you about.

the next day i got a message from my doctor that the fungus test was positive and i should come in for my prescription. yeah right. i called and said i was "exploring alternate solutions" to my problem and would get back to them.

one health-topic message board i went to was moderated by an MD. everytime someone mentioned various home remedies for toenail fungus, the MD would butt in and reiterate that home remedies NEVER WORK. he even ridiculed some of them, yet people would respond back to him telling him that they got nothing to lose, and no money or health insurance, so they were going to try it anyway.

i added antifungal foot powder, and AM vinegar soaks at the beginning of July. by July 12th the toe started to slightly look better. i went back to the drugstore and got more home remedies, a nail file to file down the thick ugly nail and--the biggie, the one i was skeptical of: Vicks Vapor Rub.

digger the dermaphadyte, part 2

two days before my friend's wedding i went to the doctor to get a toe diagnosis, wanting to make sure my nail wasn't infected with something more serious than fungus. i'd also been duped by the cute Lamasil TV ads--the ones with "digger the dermaphadyte" who digs under toenails and gets flustered when a giant lamasil pill rolls into the nail bed. all i know is i wanted the gross yellow infected nail fungus off my toe.

the doctor visually confirmed that my toe probably had the fungus. i asked what i can do about it. the doctor mentioned the lamasil pill and a medicinal "shellack" called penlac, which i'd have to apply for a YEAR. i opted for the pill, expecting a prescription. instead the doctor told me that my health insurance would need a confirming fungus culture to have lamasil prescribed, and then also a liver blood test would need to be performed. the culture would take 30-60 days and i'd have to wait. i got frustrated--all this over a toe fungus infection?

i opted for the culture, and helped the MD snip off some of the gross flaky yellow toenail. then i took the liver blood test, and the med tech screwed up and left me with a large black bruise on my left arm, which i had to conceal with bandaids at the wedding.

before left i asked the doctor if there was anything else i could do while waiting the 30-60 days for the results. i didn't want the infection to spread, and supposedly it spreads easily. the doctor had no suggestions--like more a 'who cares?' attitude. i didn't like it.

so i went home and went online to see what others do in such a situation...and what do they do? the self administer home remedies of course. everything from OTC fungus liquids, vinegar soaks, tea tree oil, to stronger things such as bleach and Vicks Vapor Rub [i'm not kidding].

on june 3rd i declared war on my toe's disgusting fungus.

digger the dermaphadyte

in may i contracted a [ew!] toenail infection on the toe next to my big toe on my left foot. ewww. right before my friend's wedding and the open-toed ugly overpriced shoes i had to wear. the toenail was yellow, very very thick and very scaly. disgusting. i googled it and found it can be caught by going barefoot in gym locker rooms, and recently i'd been showering at my gym at least once a week and walked barefoot on the gross tile floor. so this was my fault. still, i had no idea what to do about it and was panicked over it spreading to my other toenails and foot.

astrologically, pisces "rules" the feet--two fish, two feet--eventhough, ironically, fish have no feet!. but anyway, most sun sign pisces always have something good or bad going on with their feet. a few years ago i had a ganglion cyst on the top of my right foot and had it drained. disgusting. then i had a corn that hurt like hell on my right foot below the pinky toe that i finally dug out myself with a pair of scissors. eiiiww! then i got an awwwesome case of athlete's foot a couple summers ago, that caused the bottom of my feet to resemble red raisins and itched like hell. after curing that i started "powdering" my feet and washing them a few times a day.

i'm also a stickler about shoes. although i'm a cheap ass where most apparel is concerned [last weekend i bought 2 teeshirts for $1 at RiteAid], i can't handle cheap shoes or socks. i've spent upwards of $150 for decent sneakers and boots, plus only nike socks [they're the best] to keep my feet happy. feet are often totally ignored until there's a problem. and when feet have a problem, your whole body sort of has a problem sometimes.

if you know a pisces, ask them about their feet! i'm certain they'll have some oddball story to tell.

Daily Manna from the 'Net - Friday, July 29, 2005

Then you will understand what is right and just and fair-every good path. For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul. Discretion will protect you, and understanding will guard you. Wisdom will save you from the ways of wicked men, from men whose words are perverse, who have left the straight paths to walk in dark ways, who delight in doing wrong and rejoice in the perverseness of evil, whose paths are crooked and who are devious in their ways.
Proverbs 2:9-15 TNIV Bible

i subscribe to a daily bible verse from the International Bible Society. this was today's entry, which i find quite appropriate. i feel that God is placing some wisdom in my heart at this time in answer to my prayers. you can subscribe to their daily verse emails here.

pizza smileys

i like this smiley gif too:

my friend's new shirt!

i really like my friend's new fun shirt, especially the uneven stripes and the yellow color, which matches perfectly with smiley faces.

obviously i am in a silly mood this evening. it must be mercury retrograde :)



aren't these little annoying smiley faces great?

unrelated things

cosmic weather

this month's cosmic weather features numerous unsettling events. first up was saturn's transition from cancer to leo last saturday [7/16]. this 2.5 yr stay will certainly be noticed by everyone, just like a Leo wants it to be. lots of tears, drama, the works.

tonight's cosmic menu features july's 2nd FULL MOON! or what our ancestors used to call a "blue moon". there's nothing blue about this moon, full on in capricorn and totally opposing the sun in cancer. full moons reveal the sun sign's "shadow" or opposite. tonight is no exception. best bet is to stay calm and stay clear of anyone who could push your buttons, because emotions are 'on tap' tonight, courtesy of the sun in watery, thin-skinned cancer. capricorns hate waterlogged emotional displays, so put a lid on it.

the last july feature is mercury turning RETROGRADE in Leo on 7/22. the shadow period for this mercury retrograde began last saturday, 7/16, meaning that communications, travel, technology began their descent to chaos last week and this effect will peek over the next 3 wks until 8/15, when mercury goes direct. extra weight is on this retrograde with saturn newly minted in Leo too. look for infantile behavior, miscommunication with children and teenagers, and a general air of fun with a price during this time. also, if you can help it, don't sign anything, or purchase any big ticket items now [like a house or car]. it will break down endlessly. if you don't believe me, try it and get back to me later. if buying a car, make sure a friend owns a reliable foreign one who can drive you to pick up your ride at the auto repair shop.



my moods: i feel like a tempest in a snapple bottle. my insides are turbid now at best, and sometimes i feel like there's a macy's fireworks display going off in my head. i'm being bombarded by uranus in pisces, and right now the 'force' is very strong, whipping me up like the ocean during a hurricane. not the best combo with all the cosmic weather we're having lately. i've been trying to keep my lid on tight and just wait it out, but its hard. large quantities of water [emotions] exert lots of internal pressure. blek.

the lighter side

finally, my interest in firetrucks have been piqued. a coworker is also a volunteer fireman, and they operate a "pumper". the one he runs is a very modern truck with lots of automation, very sleek. well, last weekend i noticed a sad rusty old firetruck parked next to the supermarket i was going to, and i decided to take some photos with my phone. here they are:


i think the truck is from the 1950's. it was just sitting there.


it was very large, very tall, and not in great condition.


its pumper controls were all manual.


even though the truck was in a state of decay, it had its two hoses neatly folded in its bed, which i thought was strange. the hoses looked like they were decaying.


the cabin was 1950s-60s style, with lots of chrome. it was also a stickshift. could you imagine driving something as husky as this with a clutch? unbelievable.

well, that wraps things for now during this turbulent month. have a nice day :)